tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post934921315594927517..comments2023-10-21T15:57:40.694+01:00Comments on When I grow up . . . .: I'm still here . . .bugerlugs63http://www.blogger.com/profile/08598249255143939365noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-57049587286328093902012-11-18T01:50:09.742+00:002012-11-18T01:50:09.742+00:00Hi Gledwood . . . I just did exactly that, posted ...Hi Gledwood . . . I just did exactly that, posted a right misery of a post about my feelings right now . . . then I checked my comments and read your comment suggesting that I do just that! amazing eh? And you're right, that's exactly what Blogging is about, our lives, the truth, however bleak that may be some days.<br />I gotta clean the swines out tomorrow so I'll try and get some photos. Yeah they climb up the bars and across their "ceilings". There are places where they can get through the bars, but for some reason they stay at home.<br />When I wrote about sharing the bag, I was referring to the one I'd just put on at the time, pretty decent quality for a change ;-) who knows, one day, our paths might cross. I thought of you today as I had my heating on with my notepad out and kept checking the meter to see how much it cost per hour . . . per radiator. Then I turned it off and put a wolly hat on! much cheaper.<br />Take care, keep warm, we've not come this far to die of hyperthermia (sp?) . . . Hey, we're not even pensioners yet! With love, as always x bugerlugs63https://www.blogger.com/profile/08598249255143939365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-42063959186364446022012-11-17T20:56:21.500+00:002012-11-17T20:56:21.500+00:00ps: hey I love the multi-storey tower of hammy cag...ps: hey I love the multi-storey tower of hammy cages... do robos ever clamber upside down on the bars? I wouldn't know because mine always lived in a tank: I was too terrified of bars because the furry little swines were so very tiny... when I did once try out a Standard Rodent Cage the lil swinelets squeezed right through INSTANTLY, seriously all 3 were struggling right straight through and out on to the carpet and it was QUITE SOME JOB retrieving them!Gledwoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09308172310486574510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-85159450130304736192012-11-17T20:51:34.989+00:002012-11-17T20:51:34.989+00:00Hi - hope you are well and the kids good.
my emai...Hi - hope you are well and the kids good.<br /><br />my email is on my profile if you want to drop a line saying hello... <br /><br />Furtheronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11903753972242964410noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-4058095278505917882012-11-17T20:23:44.830+00:002012-11-17T20:23:44.830+00:00Hi BugLugs. I really wanted to comment at the end,...Hi BugLugs. I really wanted to comment at the end, but constant browser probs mean there's no Clean White Box for me to gabble in so here I am midway through the column.<br /><br />I know you're feeling crap, but why don't you do what I do and post in all honesty what's going on. And press "PUBLISH". I guarentee you'll probably cringe the next day the next hour or perhaps as soon as that lovely button is clicked ~~ and of course want to delete what now feels like a pile of steaming turdly self-pitying whingeing crap. But remember what you've posted is a snapshot of emotion, mood and life. And that's what life's all about. What blogs are all about. Because blogging is life. And in some cases like mine a life without blogging would be no life at all (how sad is that?) <br /><br />Well that's what I do and it's what my blog's all about. Probably explains why compared to you I get barely any comments at all and why nobody loves me but hey! It's what makes my meaningless little world continue to turn ... I mean what else have I...? Very little.<br /><br />Today I no longer feel my heart is swathed in pack-ice. Man I felt so shyte last week. And when you said you wish you could have shared that bag with me (actually 2 bags as I extracted £20 out of my friend)... it would have been so nice. I wish you lived in London. You are the one single person online who I'd really like to meet in Real Life... How weird is that~~? ;-)Gledwoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09308172310486574510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-5528403326842371352012-11-16T14:38:02.506+00:002012-11-16T14:38:02.506+00:00bugerlugs63- I am glad you decided to write. I, to...bugerlugs63- I am glad you decided to write. I, too, have been scarce and catching up.It sounds from the words you have posted that you seem tired of a certain way of life and are ready to make a positive change. I hope that's the case. Depression is a bitch to live with. I do know that you make every effort possible to be a good mother and that's the most important thing. Sometimes though, you need to mommy yourself a bit. Instead of being so hard on yourself, sounds like you need a little TLC instead. A friend of mine told me that when I was truly ready to change my life I would eliminate all the cockroaches (negative people) in my life. That was some of the best advice she ever gave me. Please keep writing and be well. xoxoxo Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06284123619357068571noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-55896029628792498432012-11-10T18:25:26.119+00:002012-11-10T18:25:26.119+00:00Gledwood, Thanks for defnding me . . . even Geekst...Gledwood, Thanks for defnding me . . . even Geekster got on here and defended me, although I could almost here Anon's response to Geekster in my head (saying that it's not all about the money, but about love and security) . . I spose Geekster doesn't see lack of love/stability being an issue and can only imagine that "bad addict parents" spend all the money on gear, leaving nothing for the kids laptops, tv's, holidays, christmas etc, bless him. I didn't even know he had relpied to Anon.<br />Thanks again Gledwood for your reply, have a good weekend and take care, with love x xbugerlugs63https://www.blogger.com/profile/08598249255143939365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-13891170415766736382012-11-10T17:11:17.890+00:002012-11-10T17:11:17.890+00:00What difference does having kids make? I think, An...What difference does having kids make? I think, Anonymous, you are kidding yourself by implying, as you appear to be, that BugLugs should do a methadone taper just like you did and that so doing will somehow make her kids happier. Happy parents pass on their happiness to their kids and LET'S BE FRANK HERE ~ to a person like I used to be, with untreated manic depression, methadone can very well be just a recipe for UNDILUTED MISERY. And misery, as you must know, is HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS.<br /><br />About 8 years ago, when I was heavily on heroin plus borderline psychotic I spent a lot of time with my friend's granddaughter who was staying there, I think, because the mother was having some issues. I wouldn't say I was "looking after" this little girl because really granny was. But I did spend a hell of a lot of time with her. Watched Annie about 365 million times, went on walks to see a public parrot, went up the climbing frame down the park etc...<br /><br />But anyway after a long summer with this 4 y/o little girl, she went back home; I got a letter back from her mother saying thank you for being so good with my daughter, she never stops talking about you. THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I would have been able to take care of the little mite in any meaningful way if I'd been on methadone back then. I tried and tried methadone and beat myself up for not being able to stick to this supposedly wonderful treatment but IN TRUTH I was DEPRESSED OUT OF MY HEAD whenever I had to depend on that shit, which was only ever the very last option and purely to "get me out of trouble".<br /><br />Taking heroin does not make a person a bad parent. Taking too much in too short a time might do. Spending money that should have gone to the children might do. But I DON'T GET THE IMPRESSION BUGERLUGS DOES EITHER SO next time you wanna express judgemental opinions I'd suggest you find a MORE APPROPRIATE TARGET.Gledwoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09308172310486574510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-89207078395692855352012-11-10T17:06:36.179+00:002012-11-10T17:06:36.179+00:00hEY I replied to Anonymous. I hope I was repriman...hEY I replied to Anonymous. I hope I was reprimanding enoughGledwoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09308172310486574510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-40466411859188235662012-11-10T17:05:25.178+00:002012-11-10T17:05:25.178+00:00This comment has been removed by the author.Gledwoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09308172310486574510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-26678824640031964872012-11-10T16:48:10.347+00:002012-11-10T16:48:10.347+00:00So pleased to see you're still here too Syd. I...So pleased to see you're still here too Syd. I'll keep on trying, if nothing else . . . and I'll keep on posting. Good luck with the rat on the boat. Thanks for being here xbugerlugs63https://www.blogger.com/profile/08598249255143939365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-66085816323799044692012-11-10T16:40:56.212+00:002012-11-10T16:40:56.212+00:00Thanks John. Oh yes, I visit you most days . . . I...Thanks John. Oh yes, I visit you most days . . . I love to hear about whatever is happening in your life!<br />I'm glad you're still reading here, thanks xbugerlugs63https://www.blogger.com/profile/08598249255143939365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-11604245841687466832012-11-09T02:51:35.571+00:002012-11-09T02:51:35.571+00:00I'm glad that you are still here. And that yo...I'm glad that you are still here. And that you posted. I've been scarce a bit as well. Just busy. Take care and still hope that you will quit the habit. Many have and I believe that you can also. Sydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05642843245634635843noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-71809061463804904762012-11-08T21:40:58.776+00:002012-11-08T21:40:58.776+00:00well glad you cae over to mine today!
still readin...well glad you cae over to mine today!<br />still reading here. congrats on how you handled anonJohn Going Gentlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14958171262765033946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-28330040802933407282012-11-08T15:27:01.950+00:002012-11-08T15:27:01.950+00:00yes the kids are fine cuz i am one name some point...yes the kids are fine cuz i am one name some points where they are not the dads are on the scene because im going dubai in february with my dad i get 600 quid between mum and dad for christmas sorry to dissapoint you but that comment has no meaning and no sense at all i get evrything i want. 10 pocket money for nothing, my own laptop, telly biggest room in the house my mum and dad get me anything so fuck off and go make no sense somwhere else.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-16588616403693885042012-11-07T14:17:18.648+00:002012-11-07T14:17:18.648+00:00Hi Carrion . . . I just tried to go to your Blog, ...Hi Carrion . . . I just tried to go to your Blog, but Blogger wont let me check any other Blogs at the minute, so I'll try later. Hey don't worry about not being in touch for a while, life happens and time flies, I hadn't posted for a while either, or commented. No worries, you're still in my thoughts. Whenever I see a girl with long dreads I think of you ;-)<br />We do have much in common and it's a shame I can't just pop round for a coffee. Still, I'm happy that I've got this place to come to for support, understanding and love . . . I'm gonna try and post later as it's been quite a "happening" week.<br />I'll try your Blog again later too. Sending warm hugs and love your way Carrion Doll x x x bugerlugs63https://www.blogger.com/profile/08598249255143939365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-91502169847105736982012-11-07T06:57:34.667+00:002012-11-07T06:57:34.667+00:00anon there is what's know as Narcissistic. He ...anon there is what's know as Narcissistic. He has to run others down to make himself feel powerful. Spotted it right away as my husband is the same. Funny that you say he only ever comments when you are down. Never giving support. You would think someone who has been there would be more compassionate.Carrion Dollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08878115476778209949noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-23889286749613702612012-11-07T06:52:09.303+00:002012-11-07T06:52:09.303+00:00Well aren't you just mister high and mighty pe...Well aren't you just mister high and mighty perfect anon. I wish I lived in your dream world where you are master of the fucking universe...NOT. <br />You don't even have kids? Why are you speaking on a subject you know NOTHING about?Carrion Dollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08878115476778209949noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-65330892943291513182012-11-06T09:54:50.530+00:002012-11-06T09:54:50.530+00:00Anon . . . It's parents evening tonight for Ha...Anon . . . It's parents evening tonight for Hamper G (5) and for Geekster (13) on Friday . . . I tell you what, I'll let you know what the normal, educated, non-junkie teachers have to say about my kids. Please check in as I will let you know for sure.<br />Hamper has settled down great at school, she has a father. And the two fathers of my two boys have both moved here, to live locally, to be here for their sons . . . they all have fantastic relationships with each other, AS DO I. They'll ALL be here for Christmas dinner. Non of them are users.<br />I don't use to get high, I use to relax of an evening . . . I do want to stop and I will stop, somehow. Judgemental, bigotted folk like you make it harder to stop . . . I face a playground full of people like you every day who judge and condemn whether I have used or not. I expect at least a quarter of them drink of an evening, but that's ok.<br />Well done to you if you managed to stop, I would like to know more about that (yrs of addiction etc). C'mon, tell us your story and let me know why you only ever comment when I'm down? . . . where were you on my previous post? . . . off looking for someone who was having a hard time? Making them feel worse no doubt. How must it feel to be in your head? You're not a very good example of someone who has got clean and is now enjoying life are you? . . . looking for folk who are struggling with addiction, as you have (allegedly) and putting them down? O how serene ;-)<br />Please check in later for my kids reports, that's ok, you're welcome.bugerlugs63https://www.blogger.com/profile/08598249255143939365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-33023293307586543842012-11-06T06:25:16.603+00:002012-11-06T06:25:16.603+00:00Oh, and P.S. if you do not have children, then you...Oh, and P.S. if you do not have children, then you absolutely are NOT qualified to speak about what may or may nor affect them. I have children and have taught children for over 20 years, so I have seen it all when it comes to issues that affect children! Feel free to ask for advise if you have any 'issues' relating to your own upbringing (which undoubtably you do).<br /><br />LauraAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-17485475747133638622012-11-06T06:19:19.608+00:002012-11-06T06:19:19.608+00:00Hello Anon,
Just talking from a teachers' pe...Hello Anon, <br /><br />Just talking from a teachers' perspective (which I am) many children have separation issues, and would you believe they can even be from 'normal', two parent, well adjusted families with no history of drug or alcohol problems! It would help your credibility if you came out from behind that cloak of anonymity, as I did.<br /><br />Get a Life, and 'man up'(as we say here in N.Z.).<br /><br />Laura (AKA Kiwigirl)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-66956390474196718252012-11-06T03:05:13.963+00:002012-11-06T03:05:13.963+00:00I know exactly what I'm talking about. I have...I know exactly what I'm talking about. I have been addicted to heroin. The difference is I don't have kids. When it got to the point that it was affecting my life and others around me I made a DECISION to stop. I got on methadone and have slowly tapered down. Continuing to use while whining for over a year that you don't want to use is a cop out. And just because a kid is smiling in a picture does not mean they are happy. I wonder if any of the youngest kids problems about being scared to go to school have anything to do with having a mentally ill, junkie mother and no father. I have no doubt it does. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-76187946419518483922012-11-05T06:52:06.838+00:002012-11-05T06:52:06.838+00:00Obviously you have no idea what you are talking ab...Obviously you have no idea what you are talking about. Have you ever dealt with addiction? Do you know how it feels? What it is like? Nope you haven't. We can all tell by that statement. <br />And go back and look at pics of these kids. Do they look unhappy to you? Junkies come in all shapes, sizes, economic backgrounds, etc. She does right by those kids. They have a pretty normal life, they have schedules, school, holidays and fun. Everyone has their issues anon, no family is perfect. You work with what you have and make the best and she does a damn good job. Quit hiding, grow a pair and lets see YOUR life shall we?Carrion Dollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08878115476778209949noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-85702434186475813142012-11-05T06:48:02.174+00:002012-11-05T06:48:02.174+00:00Hey babe! I know just how you feel. I have finally...Hey babe! I know just how you feel. I have finally gotten somewhat of a hold on my addiction. But all the great things that I thought would happen and all the money I thought I would have from not using, isn't happening. Life is the same, I just don't get to be high for it.<br /><br />Well not EXACTLY the same. The BS of finding money and then drugs everyday is gone. And THAT should be enough to be thankful for. But we still have money struggles, we still have fights, still the same ol shit. I guess in some ways I do handle things better. But it doesn't get magically better after you quit either.<br /><br />I know for me also, if the drugs are coming easily and not really affecting my life as in I'm not having to pay or run around and wait all day sick. Then it is even harder to quit. They have to be causing me some kind if major issues to be not worth the work or heartache or whatever anymore. I do love my opies and not much could come between as long as they come easy,lol.<br /><br />I am sorry you feel that way. I am here anytime you need to talk to someone who understands. cmc.marisa@aol.com and I would be happy to give you my cell number so we can text. I hate that I got bogged down with life and kinda lost touch. I feel we have alot in common and wish we lived closer so we could hang out.Carrion Dollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08878115476778209949noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-54652613000905961832012-11-05T01:34:17.328+00:002012-11-05T01:34:17.328+00:00Yes, just wanting to stop is not enough. You have ...Yes, just wanting to stop is not enough. You have to want it, act upon it and have faith in yourself. You have achieved it before and you can achieve it again. Believe in yourself, because when you do anything is possible. Besides, the gear is so shite at present if you took an extra 10-20ml of meth it would more than cover your on top usage. It's habit & ritual that keeps you on this path of self destruction, I believe you can overcome this but only if you believe you can too.<br />Keep the faith Bugerlugs. Xkarlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09348192514955706097noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593768356444181863.post-40601107839651914592012-11-04T14:06:13.437+00:002012-11-04T14:06:13.437+00:00I'm beyond happy to see you here too! I've...I'm beyond happy to see you here too! I've only just seen the email as I rarely check them. I suppose it's another trick of the addiction, to isolate me . . . to be my "only friend". I'm blessed to have so many kind and thoughtful folk here that do truly care about me. I feel bad for not posting and listening to the lies in my head. I'll always keep trying.<br />I've read your words over and over, thankyou for making me feel better about myself, really. I dare say I'll read them again before the day is over. And thanks for always being here . . . I'm being dragged back to lego corner. Much love sent to both of you x x xbugerlugs63https://www.blogger.com/profile/08598249255143939365noreply@blogger.com