Second best news . . I weighed in today at 66kg. I had stabilised at 68kg for a while. Since last Friday I've lost two kilos. One kilo in sweat, one in tears. I was right pleased with myself and risked trying on an old pair of well loved, lightweight summer jeans, that hadn't fitted for two years . . . Yay! . . . On they slid! I'm glad I kept them. I'm glad I kept all sorts of things that I almost threw away when I was listening to those voices telling me "you'll never get in that again!". I went through all my "too small" clothes and felt as though I'd just been shopping . . . Then I did go and buy two new vests, which combined with tanned arms, show an awful lot of scarring (self-harm not injecting). I didn't give two hoots, I felt almost slim and tanned and clean and proud! and happy!
O Wow, maybe this should've been second best news . . . After Hamper G had skipped to school smiling, she was called out in assembly (in front of the whole school) to be awarded a certificate; for "an enthusiastic start to her schooling" . . . The teacher said she looked a little confused to begin with (I would imagine so), then spurred on by the applause began to relax and stood there "reading" her certificate and grinning like the cat that got the cream. Guess what? . . . I cried ;-). It must have been very overwhelming for her. As I collected her at 1.15 she said "Mum, I love school now and I mean it this time". This is high on my gratitude list.
I have some money in the bank, not a great deal, but enough spare after the bills etc, to go on-line tomorrow and order some sheet music for the piano, I'm grateful for that. And some "Hi-tops" for Geekster, he's grateful for that. I'm grateful that he's grateful.
I'm so grateful for the bloke who was mowing next door's front garden this evening and decided to cross the path and mow mine too . . . that might be just what I need to kick start me onto the gardening . . . tomorrow? Maybe.
Hey, I'm grateful that I can "un-set" the alarm right now; tomorrow being Saturday. O yes. I'm sure I could go on and on with this but I'll stop here and have an early ish night. I want to wake up feeling good and I will. I'll be grateful for that too.
Last, but by no means least, I'm massively grateful to you, my friends, who make me laugh and cry, make me think and write and make me so thankful that I even started this blogging journey.
And then, of course, it's thanks to all of your encouragement, understanding and just being here that I've carried on with this journey and come this far.
So . . . Just a huge whacking great ginormous thanks to everyone reading these words.
Saturday; I thought I'd posted this last night, I hadn't. It's 10.45 am, I'm on my first coffee. Geekster had a friend stay for the night, then a few more came round at 9 this morning. Hamper G joined them upstairs, leaving me to sleep ;-) It's sunny and hot again and there's a lot of gardening to do . . . I'm grateful I've got a garden, and the sun, and a fresh pineapple for breakfast and . . and . . .
A quick ps . . . As this seems to go so well with this Sunny Saturday . . .
Hiya
ReplyDeleteJust been catching up on the week, it seems you've had a week a bit like mine, up & down. Try not to to kick youself too hard for using.
As I'm sure you're aware, now that you have done a bit of clean time there aint no going back to the way it was before, well there is but it's never gonna be the same. Once you've jumped that 1st hurdle there are always gonna be conflicting emotions about whether you should be using or not.
Anyway it's a beautifull day so I think I'll go & get some sun whilst I've sort of got the day off.
Take it easy & enjoy the weather bugerlugs xkarl
Karl,
DeleteJust came here to add this "Choon" . . . and it so echoes what you've just said . . . "Never going back again" . . . enjoy the Sun, the music, the feelings, all of it Karl. Take good care mate x
Choooons, help you breath more easily !
DeleteLol X
So you had a swarm of teenagers this morning.
ReplyDeleteHappy, happy, happy news. Another day clean, another day lighter, old clothes reclaimed and new, Hamper G's achievement. a little money in the bank... My smile is so wide it is hurting my face.
The E'sC . . . That's it, I'm out there gardening! I thought about you and your wonderful garden . . . and all the hard work you put in. I've made a start.
DeleteI had an album on and loved this track so much, I had to come and share it. It's a good sunny tune.
My smile is matching yours ;-) Have a good day x
Another day clean - Fantastic - then all the other good stuff... so great for you!
ReplyDeleteFurtheron . . . All good stuff eh? Just sat down 9.30pm, been gardening since midday . . . I don't think I'll have any problems sleeping. Cheers x
DeleteI am so pleased you are feeling on top of things again. I read a saying the other day "you're only as happy as your least happy child." and thought of you. Don't under-estimate how deeply Hamper-G's shaky start at school would have affected you. Some of our children need to be prised screaming from their mother's arms, but we know they will calm down in a few minutes. It does, however, take the mothers a lot longer to recover. So I couldn't be more thrilled with Hamper-G's new-found confidence. All the best.
ReplyDeleteLove Kiwigirl.
Kiwigirl . . . That really makes a lot of sense, I was coming home upset. In my "using" days of the last year I only ever used at night, but this recent relapse was me coming back from leaving Hamper G at school and using. I do think that had alot to do with it.
ReplyDeleteAlso, as I said to my drugs worker, psychologically, I knew I was not going back to my "old habit" of using at night, therefore it was a new, short lived habit to break . . . O the madness in the logic, or the logic in the madness.
Either way, this is three days Clean now and I'm so happy the blindfold slipped for long enough for me to see what was about to happen. Scary looking back now . . . Thank God it's over.
Hamper is positively buzzing, we all are.
Love sent to you Kiwigirl x
Enjoy the lovely weather and your lovely kids.
ReplyDeleteSo glad the school is turning out to be right for Hamper-G. Hope it carries on.
Twisted Scottish Bastard,
DeleteI did, we did . . . we had a great day out in the garden . . . Geekster took some photos which I'll probably post tomorrow.
Thanks x
What a fabulous post! I loved reading every word. You sound so happy! Great stuff here! Simple good life stuff.
ReplyDeleteHi Annette,
DeleteThat's it . . . Simple good life stuff. Saturday was just as good, with loads to be grateful for again . . And now Sunday begins, another sunny day for mending and tending the garden . . . I'm loving it.
Have a good day Annette x
Nice, Bugs, that you are happy and celebrating your weight loss. And it is time to garden--I've been doing it here for about 2 months with the preparation of the soil and the planting. Now I'm seeing great results with vegetables and flowers.
ReplyDeleteSyd,
DeleteYes, I'm a bit late starting this gardening thing. I didn't intend to do it at all this year but with Hamper at school, I have more time. Only flowers for now, maybe food next year . . . then I can take my home grown carrots to N/A and test my nerves whilst they crunch their way through the "gathering" ;-)
I need to buy some accurate scales. Apparently I had lost 5 kilos last week... then put it all back on again in a single day. What rottt!!
ReplyDeleteGledwood, I use the scales at the chemist once a week, that way I know they are accurate.
DeleteGet this . . . My old dealer just text (very rare) said "got some peng, do u want, you can pay later in week" . . . I text back "No Thanks!"
Now that took some doing, as you can imagine.
I hope you're doing well and feeling better, with love x
Well done on staying clean. Cling on to that happy feeling, its what pulls you through the harder days.
ReplyDeleteAnd as for the scars, they just mean you have lived, dont be ashamed of them, for it is always a reminder that, you can get through the tough bits. When you made the scars, I bet you never thought you could get through it. And now they are scars not wounds, and you are happy. So anything is possible and beatable.
Hi Kim . .. I was just off to bed, what a nice surprise to see you here. I was gonna ask you, over at yours, if it's ok to do a link to your blog on a post here . . . You really are an inspiration.
DeleteI find myself sitting thinking about all you've been through . . . Unimagineable.
Take care and thanks for reading and commenting here x