A Rare Event!

Very rarely the full moon of June; the honeymoon, more often called the strawberry moon as strawberry picking begins, coincides with the Summer Solstice. The last time was 1967 and the next time will be 2062. 

Slightly more often than this, I sneak over to my blog and sit and wonder why? So many whys. Too many whys and then I run away. This time I didn't run away. I began to catch up on your blogs, re-read comments that have been left here. I realised, yet again, how lucky I had been to have such support and love and understanding from so many good people ... I was overwhelmed and angry with myself and I almost ran away again. I tried to work out why; why I run away from so much good. More whys followed...

I sat up till the early hours (last  night) reading here, wondering why and if... if I could start again, why not, if not and so on. I read through a few of my posts, the last handful only made it as drafts but even so, I just know that I always felt better, in some way or another, after writing a post ... every time.

This is starting to look like a post, to feel like a post in that I feel connected somehow already and that feels like a good start.

It's gone midnight and I could write all night. Or I could post this and come back and keep coming back as they say. I am sorry that it has been such a long time, I have no excuse other than I am slightly bonkers and tend towards self destruction but I am trying to change. Still. When I can focus I am trying to grasp the basics of mindfullness and self-discipline.  I am sure these are necessary to make some of the changes that I need to make. I guess I need to learn to focus first. Now there's a strange word, focus.

Lordy its nearly 1am, its taken almost an hour to write four lines. Focus indeed. I really will be back. I hope I get a chance to reconnect with you. I have truly thought about you all at some point over the years and missed you. I'm sending hugs and love and thanks to you.