I'm gonna make a start on my list of things to do & to undo before the big five "O" to keep myself focused on the bigger picture. I've been so tired since my last post . . . I dragged myself through thursday. I did most of the things I needed to do, apart from The list & the mammoth hamster cleanout. I am now 6 phone calls nearer to opening a bank account for Stropster to have his wages paid into. You wouldn't believe how difficult they make it. I suddenly remembered Geekster is off to France for a week this evening so I need to prepare for that today. I dragged myself through friday too. I got quite a lot done because I have to but it was all an effort. It still is. I have to force myself to do anything. Whether this is due to my methadone reduction or this cold not being over, or both, I don't know. I just hope and expect it to be settled down by wednesday. That way I can get my flu jab, stop worrying about getting flu, and do my next 5mg/ml reduction. I think once I get down to 20mg/ml I will have to reduce by 1mg/ml doses rather than 5. Its always the last few milligrams/millilitres that are the hardest to stop. Methadone is very addictive, some say more so than heroin. I don't know. I know once I'm off methadone Its no problem staying off. How many people come out of prison having detoxed from methadone & gear, then go hunting down a nice fat bottle of green gloop?
Stropster said I look thinner yesterday, that was music to my ears. I don't have any scales but I can check next friday at the chemist. So there has been some progress with methadone & weight. I now have to decide which other areas need dealing with. Its 5 am. This is usually my best thinking time. I will write a list on paper, prioritise it, then post it.
One thing occurred to me after my half hour session with my "drugs worker" on thursday . . . If I had been a fly on the wall and someone had said to me afterwards "Ok fly what do you think all that was about?" I would 've said "I aint gotta clue. Other than one woman asking another how things were with various aspects of her children's lives, plans for Christmas, etc. and handing her a blue sheet of paper, I really dont know." . .Hmmmmm. Neither do I.
Hope you get your list done. There's less than a year til eye'm 30 & have Not A Thing to show for it. At 18, expected to be rich & famous by now. Oh, idealistic youth.
ReplyDeleteHave you discussed switching to Subutex? If you can get your meth down to around 20ml or lower, you can switch...I expect you're well aware of Subutex anyway. It's kind of uncomfortable to switch from what I hear, but after a few days you should be ok. Hope all goes well for you...btw I like your blog, and have started following :))
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