Eeee, I don't know . . . Or maybe I do. O hello, here we go with that malarky; less than one sentence into the post and I can't make up my mind . . . Or maybe I can and I do know but I don't want to know.
Let's try changing the subject . . . not that you'll notice. I mean, was there even a subject to change? . . . I'll try and move on.
Yes. I need to move on. Christmas was a mighty fine, well timed distraction, but I'm a bit stuck in it now. I've had enough of sitting around eating far too many chocolates and watching way too much crap on television. I know, no one is forcing me but it's almost as if I've forgotten how to get on with anything else. I kicked myself good and proper up the arse to get on with, and into, this Christmas thing. Now it seems that I got so far into it that I'm stuck here. (?) I need to get over it. It sounds simple but it doesn't feel simple. I find it easier to imagine it not happening.
Anyway, as I've often said, I rarely watch films. I've only ever seen a handful in my life. And this film came on earlier, it's still on. I imagine that most of you will have seen it, it's called Love Actually . . . actually. Of course, I now know how the lobster found it's way into the nativity. I did wonder why so many lobster jokes. I still don't like Hugh Grant, well, not so much dislike him, I just can't see where the appeal lies . . . Say, if he was Prime Minister and say, I was impressed by that sort of thing, or if he were some kind of genius or artist, which would go much further towards impressing me . . . but he's not. I can only assume it's his posh talk, and flickering eyelids . . . how bizarre! Anyway, I've sat here and almost watched the whole film, so something must have caught my eye. Love maybe. Richard Nighy maybe. I did get a bit cranky with the predictability of it all . . . until it was followed by Parenthood which put it into perspective. Is it me? I suppose it must be.
I'm looking forward to my second session with new therapist on the 10th January. I get the impression that if I'm prepared to go through with some discomfort and work with her at facing a few things that I've been avoiding for decades . . . I will benefit from some positive changes.
Well, there you go, she says, reaching for another Lindor. I hope this chocolate eating isn't becoming a habit. I can quite see how it might and how it does. And how it would be no better or worse than any other habit or addiction. Yes, OK it's legal but man made laws.
Just back from Bro's house, he and his wife cooked Christmas dinner for me and the kids. It was truly perfect. It's so rare for me to sit at the table and be served on. I'm gonna try and move on tomorrow, maybe start moving the furniture around upstairs and looking for some motivation. Or something . . . Or maybe indulge one final day in televised trash, toys and chocolate and then move on, next year. I need to keep moving and not get stuck again. More than ever this month.