Wednesday, 2 January 2013

Snapshots, Snippets and Moving On . . .

Saturday Night

Eeee, I don't know . . . Or maybe I do. O hello, here we go with that malarky; less than one sentence into the post and I can't make up my mind . . . Or maybe I can and I do know but I don't want to know.

Let's try changing the subject . . . not that you'll notice. I mean, was there even a subject to change? . . . I'll try and move on.

Yes. I need to move on. Christmas was a mighty fine, well timed distraction, but I'm a bit stuck in it now. I've had enough of sitting around eating far too many chocolates and watching way too much crap on television. I know, no one is forcing me but it's almost as if I've forgotten how to get on with anything else. I kicked myself good and proper up the arse to get on with, and into, this Christmas thing. Now it seems that I got so far into it that I'm stuck here. (?) I need to get over it. It sounds simple but it doesn't feel simple. I find it easier to imagine it not happening.

Anyway, as I've often said, I rarely watch films. I've only ever seen a handful in my life. And this film came on earlier, it's still on. I imagine that most of you will have seen it, it's called Love Actually . . . actually. Of course, I now know how the lobster found it's way into the nativity. I did wonder why so many lobster jokes.  I still don't like Hugh Grant, well, not so much dislike him, I just can't see where the appeal lies . . . Say, if he was Prime Minister and say, I was impressed  by that sort of thing, or if he were some kind of genius or artist, which would go much further towards impressing me . . . but he's not. I can only assume it's his posh talk, and flickering eyelids . . . how bizarre! Anyway, I've sat here and almost watched the whole film, so something must have caught my eye. Love maybe. Richard Nighy maybe. I did get a bit cranky with the predictability of it all . . . until it was followed by Parenthood which put it into perspective. Is it me? I suppose it must be.

I'm looking forward to my second session with new therapist on the 10th January. I get the impression that if I'm prepared to go through with some discomfort and work with her at facing a few things that I've been avoiding for decades . . . I will benefit from some positive changes.

Well, there you go, she says, reaching for another Lindor. I hope this chocolate eating isn't becoming a habit. I can quite see how it might and how it does. And how it would be no better or worse than any other habit or addiction. Yes, OK it's legal but man made laws.

Sunday Night.

Just back from Bro's house, he and his wife cooked Christmas dinner for me and the kids. It was truly perfect. It's so rare for me to sit at the table and be served on. I'm gonna try and move on tomorrow, maybe start moving the furniture around upstairs and looking for some motivation. Or something . . . Or maybe indulge one final day in televised trash, toys and chocolate and then move on, next year. I need to keep moving and not get stuck again. More than ever this month.

Tuesday Night!

I've spent the last two days sorting out and moving things around upstairs . . . No, not really. I'm still sat here eating too much and making excuses. I have, at least, uploaded some Christmas photos here. So, although it seems a tad after the event, I'll post them here, now, before they really are, even more so, after the event . And then I will move on, really. No, really.


OK, so I didn't exactly dress the table (or even decant the salt!) but hey, it's what's on the plate that counts.
Hamper G's take on Christmas . . . I knew she had taken some but I didn't expect them to be so good!

I love this one. I'm surprised at the things she notices.
This is all we've seen of Geekster since he got his I Pad. Fortunately he also got a green case for it, so we do get a variation in colour.
I'm not sure why Hamper took this particular shot but I love the words.
 . . .  And the music
And a fine Merlot with our Festive Food.
She  does seem to have a good eye for balance and composition for a five year old . . . but maybe I'm biased. Balance and composition sound like two very good words for me to take into "Next Year" with me, when I eventually find my way there. Yeah, I'll try some of that . . .
Thanks for being here with me. Let's see what this year brings then, or even this week, this night.
I'm gonna try posting this for now . . . I've been adding to it for four days .. .
It could happen again. I need to move on.  Love and Thanks, as always x x


  1. And my 8 pound Swiss chocolates that u made me and you eat. This is how it goes " 'geekster' do u want another one of your chocolates ( if I have one mums aloud one)" and within a time slot of about an hour we have eaten 8 pounds of chocolate. YOLOUYAB.

    1. I did reply to you Geekster but it came out further down the page . . . O I forgot to sing your praises for allowing me two lie-ins with a perfect milky coffee in bed! Bless your heart, I really appreciate it Lovey x

  2. Ah. This all looks so dear. Try not to beat yourself up anymore. Look what you've accomplished- what you've done, are doing.
    Look and realize. What gorgeous children.
    Happy New Year, Ms. B. Happy New Year. Life will resume its regular programming and I wish you much luck with the therapist.

    1. I heard your words a few times over yesterday . . . whenever I started to doubt myself, thanks.
      Yes, I think once they're all back to school and work. I might sneak (unseen) into the new year x

  3. "Balance and composition"

    I'm SO digging that! Might even borrow it from you if that's alright.
    Loved the pictures though there appears to be one missing....where are you?

    Happy New Year, Bugs! Wishing you all the happiness, health and prosperity you so very much deserve.

    1. Yes you're more than welcome to borrow it Summer!
      I'm only on the top picture (not too clear). I did eat with the kids though. I never miss a roast dinner!
      Thanks Summer, wishing the same for you x

    2. Your just as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside! Thank you for sharing your pictures with all of us.

  4. Fun pictures! Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

    1. Hi Jeannie! Happy New Year to you too, with love x

  5. The most important thing about Christmas is what you captured in the pictures best: your family.

    Happy New Year Lovey!!! xoxoxo

    1. Yes, it's totally about the children and they loved it! And they're intent on dragging it out some more . . . until school starts, which is fair enough. Five more sleeps!
      Happy New Year to you Lovey x x

  6. 8 pounds in sterling, might I add, NOT weight! although I will admit I have encouraged you . . . And we've not finished yet! How about a Quality Street? . . . It's not over until we're down to the toffee pennies.
    Pass the tin then! You're a good lad Geekster x

  7. I rarely watch films either. I need to stop them to think about something, as I do with books. Not possible with the cinema, and drives other people nuts with a DVD. I am with you about Hugh Grant too. He just doesn't do anything for me. Neither does Tom Cruise (and never did).
    Love, love, love the photos. Nearly as much as I loved hearing from you again. Revel in the warmth and the crap of Christmas until you are ready to move on.
    And yes, I may also steal balance and composition from you. Both are sorely lacking in my world.
    Encouragement and love are flowing your way. And good luck with session two with the new therapist. You know we/I want to hear about it don't you?

    1. Hi, Yes I'm with you on Tom Cruise and many many more I dare say.
      Yep, we've decided on extending Christmas until the new school term begins. Seems the kids are not resdy to move on yet either!
      Thanks for so much support and encouragement in the past year. I will let you know how the second session goes, for sure.
      I'm hoping for as little pain, and as much joy, as possible for you and the SP this coming year x x

  8. looks a great family Christmas - good for you...

    oh and the photos from Hamper G are stunning for a girl of her age - there and I have no reason to be biased... so be very proud.

    Happy New Year to you and yours...

    1. Thanks Furtheron, It was, and still is, very relaxing and enjoyable.
      If I had known how much interest she would show in her Brother's IPad, I would've got one for her. She just seems to know what to do with it.
      Happy New Year to you too x x

  9. Good luck for the new year
    You out of anyone deserves it

    1. Thankyou John, that means a lot to me x x

  10. What a great Christmas!!! And if that's a picture of you at the top, you're as gorgeous as your gorgeous children.

    Here's my new year's prayer for you...that you cut yourself some slack. You're really a very good person and I feel blessed to share the planet with you.

    Happy New Year Bugerlugs!!!


    1. Yes, that very "out of focus, slightly foggy" picture is of me, enjoying a little dance on Christmas morning ;-)
      Thinking of you on your sugar free bus . . . I think my body would go into shock if I cut out sugar right now. We've had far too many chocolates this year, for some reason . . . I'm not going near the scales until I've walked (or ran) the school run for a month!
      Happy New Year Sherry, with love x x x

  11. Happy New Year!
    I been feeling like you in a rut.Its been so cold.Being in a rut is hard getting out of it.One action may be causes another and thenits over?
    Its incredible that the photos where taken by a 5 yr old.She must have inheritated your artistic eyes.Wonderful pix.
    love and all good things sent your way XoXo

    1. Hi Bev, Yes, rut is the word, I'm still stuck there and you're right; something will happen (school) that will lead to it all changing . . . All changing to another type of rut! ;-)
      Yep, that's me with the tambourine. It's a hazy photo, which is why I allowed it through. Feeling and looking about 70 today. O well. I'm popping over to yours later, see you there. Much love sent your way x x x

  12. Hello.You are playing tambourine in the pic right?You have beautiful skin.Just came back to say hello.XoXo

  13. I am late, but happy new year. xxx. I have been in my happy place for a week (Waihi Beach). I have had a great Xmas, New Year, all is right with my world. We are sweltering through a lovely summer, which puts a completely different slant on xmas, its all about getting out and about to the beach or the park which makes it hard to get stuck in a rut.
    Love the photos, what a lot of loot, and is that Yorkshire Pud I spy on the roast meal?!! Your family look happy and beautiful, so do you (and skinny!!). I love Hamper-G's photos, and I think her photo of the page is inspired, the words 'filled their hearts with courage and gladness' immediately jumped out to me, so take 'courage and gladness' in your heart this year, as well as balance and composition, it's a sign from your 5 year old.
    Love Laura xxx

    1. Hi Laura, So happy to see you here! And great to hear all is right with your world. That must have been awesome, having a week in your "happy place", making the most of the shool break.
      Christmas here was good, the kids were (still are) happy and that's always my aim.
      I'm still stuck (Christmas tree, lights and decs still up!) But I've been for an hour CBT this morning and will try to find time to write about it later. She seems like a good therapist and I like the general plan . . . Now, I just gotta get on with the plan ;-) Starting with the tree?
      Yep, courage is big on the list for this year, there's a lot to deal with but I feel as though I'm making a start in (much needed and over-due) therapy. I really am looking forward to some progress. And gladness!
      Good to hear from you Laura. Much love and best wishes for this year x x x

  14. P.S., and I have the exact same pink leopard print fabric on some tights I use as pyjama pants!!! Spooky eh.

    1. love pink leopard (in moderation!) . . . Moderation might be another good word ;-)

  15. I actually seemed to lose weight over xmas. I lost my appetite really badly (or really well).

    Hey do you think methadone poisons the mind and/or brain?... Be honest. At least 2 people have told me they think it does, and neither was a mental patient. Ukh I so want to get off that stuff, it just does not feel good or inspire me with hope. I don't know how to explain it. Sorry to sound like a stuck record. I know I can be very boring at times. I hope that Prozac is working for you proper. XxX

    1. Gledwood, I definitely have put on weight over Christmas; way too much chocolate in the house. Thankfully, it's all gone now and I've re-started my four mile daily walk (school) so I'm hoping the weight will go down without too much effort.
      No, I don't think methadone poisons the mind/brain. I do think that, much the same as gear, it numbs our feelings and spiritual being to the extent where we can not progress, heal, or face up to matters that need dealing with . . . which is possibly one of main reasons for using It's coplicated.
      I'm not sure if the Prozac is working or not. I'm still quite down, but who knows how far down I might be without it? I've been for an hour of CBT this morning which is very interesting and gives me some hope . . . Hope is a good thing. I'm looking forward to some progress this year.
      I hope we can both make some good progress this year, I really do. Let's try our best eh? Much love, as always x x x

    2. Complicated, I meant. It's complicated. Tis indeed.

    3. Yeah I know what you mean about methadone being a big wet blanket on the feelings. All I feel on it is soggy and cold. + heroin was a fantastic psychic insulator. These days I'm far more in tune with people's mystical energy fields. I'm not really into all that new age bullshit by the way but there most certainly IS invisible energy of a non-electrical variety all around us. I used to be extremely sensitive to it.

      As for methadone "poisoning the mind" that was me being slightly para but I HAVE been told that x2 in words like "it's all drugs drugs drugs with you no wonder you're having so many problems" and the drugs in question are methadone and quetiapine, the antipsychotic. (Hmmmm....)

      Here's what I said in reply to your reply chez moi:

      I spend a maximum 1 minute per day on my mood chart anything more would drive me truly off the wall. The only truly helpful book on depression was one I acquired about 20 years ago written by a "cognitive therapist" as they were then known. It showed up flaws in my thinking a LOT. I just don't believe depression always STARTS with bad coginition. I think the negative thoughts probably perpetuate it, but don't necessarily start it. My own bad moods normally begin with excessive sleep and the mood comes LATER implying it's not all "cognitive"!

      I would like to try Dialect Behavioral Therapy. Which is something to do with altering ingrained and self-defeating routines. If I'm going to learn a new dialect I'm torn though. What do you think I should pick? Scottish or Jamaican?...??

  16. Wishing you the best in 2013. I like the photos. It looks very cheerful. And the children enjoying the whole thing--that's wonderful. Hope that all is good with you.

    1. Thanks Syd, Just here on a quick coffee break before I clean out the hamsters . . . I can't put it off one more day. And I can score a good 8 or 9 on my achievement chart (more of that on next post) when I've finished cleaning them!
      I've written a post that I hope I'll have time to edit later.
      Thanks for being here Syd, all the best to you and C this year x x

  17. Your tree is beautiful!...Is it really an artifical?
    Beautiful and happy kids.

    Our son did cbt and he did well with it. You are on the right track already; that you trust your therapist. It took our son 13mos; once a week. At times it got painful; but he had some good breakthru; esp on why he was using. He was also given some wonder "tools" to help him when he's in a rough spot.

    Please, please be VERY careful with "mixing" the prozac with heroin.
    Our sons' cod was cocaine. His combo sent him into psychosis; which in turn landed him in a psych hospital for 24days. It took him 27mos at snails pace to 'come' back around. He, like you used 'slightly' daily, and sad to say knew is dealer well. After 30mos he went into therapy and that's where the cbt came into play.

    Always, always have hope.
    You write beautifully and you are a very, good person.
    Best wishes for a happy and healthy 2013 to you and your family.