Tuesday, 4 September 2012

The last few pics of Wales . . . and a little ray of light

 
The morning dip
 
 
Lunch outside "The George"
 
 
Beauty all around
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Hamper G with me taking a picture of the archway, I love archways. I'm not sure if they're even called archways . . . But I know I love them.
 
 
 Bro and Geekster!
 
 
 The Blue Lagoon
 
 
Clean sand and blue sky!
 
 
Hamper G "brumming" the boat I built for her
 
 
At the bottom of the slide . . . I did try to get a picture of her coming down the slide . . . but ended up with twelve shots of an empty slide!
 
 
 The end of another lovely day.
 
I'm feeling a little more positive today. No particular reason for this, nothing has changed . . . yet. Today felt lighter and I felt stronger . . .  I hope that tomorrow brings more light and strength for us all.
It's past midnight and I'm almost falling asleep so I'll leave it at that . . .
 
I do feel as though I'm looking forward to something . . . I've no idea what, but just to feel something, other than fear and dread, is a blessing. A relief. A ray of light and hope.
 
Love, light and many thanks to you all x x x 
 
 
 


50 comments:

  1. I am so happy to hear that. I was worried that we hadn't heard from you in awhile so just seeing that you posted was enough for me.

    But then! To see a ray of sunshine peekin through? Priceless.

    That Hamper G is just gorgeous. Did you say she was of mixed race? My grandchildren are all of mixed race and they are all strikingly beautiful. I have a theory about that...I believe that mixed race children are extra beautiful because that's the way God intended the world to be.

    And Wales! I had no idea it was that beautiful!

    Love and hugs and light to you,
    Sherry

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    Replies
    1. Hi Sherry, Yes, definitely a bit of light shining through and I will focus on that light.
      I like your theory about mixed race children, they are often beautiful. Hamper G's Dad's from Pakistan.
      I think I'm just getting over my withdrawals from Wales (3 weeks) . . . It's taken me this long in life to realise I need to be close to rivers and mountains and natural beauty. They please my soul.
      Ah well . . . back to focusing on the light ;-)
      Love and thanks sent to you x

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  2. Hamper G is so beautiful! That gorgeous olive skin with the light eyes....So very pretty!
    I'm so glad you are feeling a little lighter today. :o)

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    Replies
    1. Hi Annette, Thanks ;-)
      I see the Dr this afternoon so hopefully I'll get time to up-date later. It's enough, for now, just to feel somethimg mildly positive.
      Off to school and Drs now.
      Love and hugs sent to you x x

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  3. So glad that you are feeling hopeful and that tomorrow has potential. Take care.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Shelley. You too, take care x

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  4. Gorgeous photos - really lovely. Nice to hear you are feeling a bit more optimistic as well. Sending lots of love xxx

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    Replies
    1. Mrs D,
      Yes that tiny little spark has made a big difference. Just knowing things can, and will, change is a start. I know I have a battle ahead though . . . One hour at a time.
      I hope you're feeling a bit more "punctuated" . . . Love sent to you too Mrs D x

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  5. Beautiful pictures, bless you all! Hey, where there is light there is hope. You know, I am still going strong with my man, he told me he loved me last week! Who would've thought that at nearly 50, I could feel like this! So cling on to that hope and light dear buggerlugz.
    You never know what life has in store for you if you keep an open mind and heart.
    Although being the sort that over-analyses everything, I am now left wondering "What is this thing called love anyway?" And will it last? And how do we fit into each others lives and existing circles of friends and family? And he is only 43, and has a 7 year old, so how can this possibly work when my children are all grown up? And round and round my thoughts go!!! I think I need a road trip with a friend who has no agenda to sort myself out now. When are you coming?
    Believe in the simple things, and life will be beautiful for you and Hamper-G.
    Kiwigirl xxx

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    1. Hiya Kiwigirl, O my, that brings back some memories . . . all those questions. I used to drive myself (and whoever I was with) bonkers with my over analysing and "what ifs". Your questions are reasonable by comparison, I really was a huge pain in the arse! I'd like to think I've mellowed with age but if "love" were to rear it's head . . . I'm not so sure!
      Anyway, I'm pleased it's going well for you both and the "L" word has been uttered ;-) You must be feeling wonderful.
      I think that's sound advice Kiwigirl, I will keep an open mind and heart, focus on the light and hope and believe in the simple things . . . And when I'm all clean and shiny with new teeth (so I can smile) I'll be over there!
      Hamper G's teacher came out of class to see me this afternoon. She reassured me that Hamper was beginning to enjoy herself and was settling down within five minutes of me leaving her in the morning. That's good to know.
      I'm feeling more settled now . . .
      That was an hour ago, Geekster is now saying he's seen the ghost of King Henry the eighth upstairs! . . . He's bringing his quilt down. O boy ;-)
      I'll be back tomorrow, Much love sent to you Kiwigirl x x x

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    2. I will really look forward to that. KG xxx

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    3. Just had to tell you, Hamper's teacher came straight up to her this morning before the "goodbyes" started and said "C'mon **** I've got a job for you to do" . . and off she skipped without so much as a goodbye ;-) I almost skipped home x

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  6. Glad you feel better beautiful places

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Furtheron, Hope you're settling back in after your wonderful holidays. Take care x

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  7. Megathanks for these absolutely amazing photos. It looks such a beautiful fresh and clean place. Truly lovely. And even more lovely that you are starting to feel a ray of hope. I am really, really happy about that.

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    1. You're welcome The E'sC. It is beautiful and I suppose that's part of what made coming home so difficult . . . But, I am feeling more settled and hopeful by the day. I need to build up some strength for battle now.
      Hamper's teacher assured me that she is settling when I leave the school in the mornings (that it's all for my "benefit") . . . Knowing that will help me through the day.
      Thinking of you both, with love x

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  8. Bugerlugs the pix are so beautiful.What a peace of Heaven you found there.
    Hamper G is adorable.Does the G stand for girl?
    I love that feeling of looking forward to some thing.
    You know some thing weird? I get that feeling on a rare ocasion and Im all wrapped in optimism and prosperity.And eventuly it happens.It some thing in the air that leads me to it.
    Thank you for the little ray of light and for being the wonderful person you are XoXOxo

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Bev, It truly is a piece of heaven, and yes the G is for girl (hamster girl) she used to call them hampers.
      It is a strange feeling isn't it; not knowing why we sense something good is on the horizon. It's certainly helped me through this week, even if it turned out to be merely a feeling, it will have been worth it.
      Hope your game of basketball was fun . . . I better get them up for school now. Have a good day Bev, love sent to you x

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  9. Lovey!! What beautiful pictures!! You are like me - you love the water, for me it's the ocean. I don't even need to be in it or on the beach - just knowing it's nearby is enough for me. It's why when the shit hit the fan almost two years ago, I was able to go there and look across the water, even if it was a bay or an inlet and see God's beauty...it brought me peace. I'm so glad you are doing better than before I took my leave. Be well my Lovey!!! xoxoxo

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    1. Hi Lovey, So good to have you back. Yep, the sea does the job too, any water, rivers, streams, lakes, the beauty of nature is healing and uplifting.
      Today is another day full of hope and light.
      Take it easy Lovey. Love, hugs and prayers for a fast recovery sent your way x x x

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  10. Aw Bugs, I'm so happy to hear you sounding more upbeat again!

    Big hugs to you, precious lady!

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    1. Thanks Summer ;-) talking of which we seem to be having a nice late Summer here. Feeling better again today. Hugs and love to you x

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  11. Your holiday just looks like it was amazing - beautiful scenery - fun with the family - what more could you want.

    I'm glad you are feeling a little better - and hopeful too. We are complicated machines - who knows what little things affect our moods - could be the weather, the food we eat, our interactions with others - the colour of the sky - I don't know either but some days I wake up and feel good - other days, I'm done without getting out of bed.

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    1. Hi Jeannie, It was amazing, I think I'm just about getting over having to come home (Welsh withdrawals).
      Yes we are strange machines. I've no idea why I suddenly feel as though I have something to look forward to . . . but I do, and that's good enough for me.
      When I woke up this morning I had a split second of "Blurgh" and then quickly reminded myself that I'd been feeling better. Hope you're feeling good today. Love sent your way x

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  12. Fear and Dread? Not good. I used to have anxiety all the time. It was what was then called "free-floating anxiety" part of vanilla Anxiety and Depression which might be the "common cold of psychiatry" but it's the most bloody horrible thing I've ever had. Much more horrible than schizoaffective bipolar. At least with the condition I have now I get moods swinging up high and entertaining hallucinations. What I had back then was just horrible all the time and I was ill with it for about three years. Around 2 years of being really badly depressed and then one final year mildly depressed but probably more anxious than ever. This depression kicked in, BTW, right during the first term of university and basically fucked up my time there totally, meaning I'd engaged so little with the course, I eventually had no option but to drop out. Giving up caffeine was the last nail in anxiety's coffin and once I did that the anxiety disappeared. By the way you get most caffeine from coffee, then tea. There IS caffeine in hot chocolate but nowhere near enough to worry about and cola doesn't have THAT much caffeine in it either.

    Bloody hell what am I rambling on about? I wanted to say how nice those snapshots were. That jumping into the lake picture is my favourite: it looks so swim-in-able. But I'm a real pansy when it comes to cold water: I hate it! Even though I DID go swimming in the sea midway through a dihydrocodeine detox last time I was in rehab and that didn't bother me at all. The English sea is a lot of things but hot is not among them ~ as you surely know.... What was the sea like dans la sud de la France?

    O by the way I found out at the satellite shop that if I get my Mum to ask for "une carte TNT" at the local hypermarché you can slot it into a satellite decoder and get French Freeview in this country. You need a dish pointing at 19.2East (the satellite I'm supposed to be getting when they actually bother to turn up to install it) ~ not Sky which is 28.2East. But maybe you would find that entertaining. To get French TV in England. You could torture your kids with it and force them to watch French Cbeebies for educational purposes. I'm asking my mum to get me a couple of TNT cards next time she's in France so you can have one if you like.

    As for those Entertainment-ovskis, please try and get them pinging on their wheel. They look so funny. Mine had a wire wheel. Despite the animal-health-fanatics proclaiming wire wheels are bad, the little nutters seemed to PREFER theirs over the plastic one in the opposite corner. To them it must be more like running up the bars rather than running on flat ground. Anyway when Spherical, who was a huge Fat Mamma, was thundering forward with Baby Itchy on the same wheel, Itchy used to get stuck sometimes and end up doing major loop-the-loops it was hilarious. When their bottle broke and I had to put water in a porcelain bowl, Bashful sploshed straight in, then pinged out again. And didn't seem in the slightest bit bothered about being soaking wet, the swine! When I poked a bit of okra into their nest while they were sleeping as a "surprise" they jumped out of their furry skins and pinged out at top velocity. As if a baby crocodile had snuck in there and was snapping at their tiny tails...

    Well I can't remember what got me on to this subject but WHAT CHARMING PHOTOGRAPHS YOU TOOK AND PLEASE FILM THE WHEELRAMBLING ROBOROVSKIS. MANY THANXXXXXXX...

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    1. HI Gledwood ;-) . . . OK, I managed to get a bit of footage with three of them in the wheel. I will attempt to post it on here in half an hour, I might have to wait for Geekster to come home, we'll see. Later in the night (3am) I went to get Hamper G a drink and there were four in the wheel with two others jumping in and out but I was half asleep and far too tired to start filming them.
      Next time I clean them out and put them in their "paddling pool" I will film them with their wet fur! I will try and film them in the middle of the night too, when they are in full mania. They are very entertaining with their white eyebrows and whiskers ;-)
      I'm not sure that I have a satellite decoder to slot it into, otherwise, yes, I would have liked one of those cards.
      The sea in Nice was the perfect temperature, but it seemed strange there was no tide, due to it being a man made beach. Also the water went from very shallow to quite deep very suddenly and within a few feet of the shore, I like lots of knee deep paddling water. I'm also a "pansy" with the cold water . . . it's no coincidence that I'm not on any of the photos in the sea or quarry. I did walk in the sea, to above the knees and that was enough! I'm happy to sit looking and listening to the sea, or rivers, waterfalls . . . (sigh)
      Anyway, onwards and upwards, I'm feeling optimstic again today so things are definitely improving. I hope all is well for you Gledwood, I really do. With love, as always x

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  13. Actually "Entertainer-ovskis" is a better name for the pingpongball-sized white-eyebrowed furballs........

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  14. BTW do you like Madonna's album Ray of Light? It is a concept album and certain people claim the "concept" is the KETAMINE state, and that every song relates to one aspect of it or other!!! She even mentioned ketamine in her interview with The Face magazine. And seemed surprised British clubbers still took Ecstasy in preference to it. Well being as Ecstasy is a dance drug and ketamine induces stupor it's hardly surprising E is more common in dance clubs. Ketamine never has been, never will be a "dance drug". Only half-decent way of taking it, in my experience, was to snort lines in semi-darkness, then to lie in the recovery position as you go "tunnelling" down the K-hole. Taking mandy doses of K was a waste of time as far as I was concerned. The entire point of the ketamine state is to go down that amazing K hole where everything is disembodied and ookie. Best thing about ketamine compared to acid is that nobody you don't like can walk into your trip. You never have to deal with complete head-fuck things like crossing roads and having to tell yourself the cars really can kill you, then to get into a mindbending conversation with the self about what death actually is. My Mum says she wants to die on LSD. I don't think she's actually tried it. But she insists that's how she wants to die...

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    1. I adore just how dogs follow you EVERYWHERE even into the sea......lightens the heart!

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    2. John,
      So true. Bernie does, literally, anything we do. Bless him. Enjoy your holiday, both of you x x

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  15. Gledwood. I do like the track "Ray of light" but I've never heard the album. I never was a huge Madonna fan . . . I'm probably too stuck in the 70's and even the 60's.
    I loved Ecstasy for many years, but never did Ketamine. I'd heard it described too many times as "nightmarish" and wasn't sure if I wanted induced nightmares . . . Also by the time it became popular I was already on the gear. As you know with Heroin there is rarely a desire for anything else. Anything.
    Take care and enjoy your day, I hope the video worked on my phone, I'll try and post it soon x

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  16. Ace pics, Blugs! What gorgeous scenery! Nearly as nice as Scotland ;)
    Hamper G is SO CUTE! That's great her school days are getting a bit easier (for you both).
    Sounds like you've got a bit of a spring back in yer step, too. Nice Imogen xo

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    1. Err, that was meant to read:

      Nice!

      Imogen xo

      :)

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    2. Hi (nice) Imogen ;-)
      Yeah, I've never made it up to Scotland yet, but I will one day.
      School has improved beyond measure, she didn't want the day to end today! (talk about extremes . . . I wonder where she gets that from?)
      Feeling so much better, thanks for being here x x x

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  17. Great pics of lovely, loved kids.

    Scenery is gorgeous, almost as nice as Scotland or here in NZ. But we don't have those ancient arched bridges.

    Glad you're feeling more positive. Keep it up.

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    1. Thanks Twisted Scottish Bastard . . . Hopefully I'm gonna make it to Scotland and New Zealand in the next ten years. I've heard they're both beautiful.
      Take care x

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  18. You sound much better than last time I checked in. Sorry, been super busy. Wales is on my list of places to visit when I finally get a chance to go abroad. One day at a time...(know it sounds trite) but it works. I no longer spend my day worrying about next week and the following one. The main goal is just getting through one peaceful day to the next. You are in my thoughts. Thanks for sharing your lovely photos!

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    1. Lori, I can't wait until you start on your travels. I'm excited to hear about your new job too. You are an inspiration to me Lori, as you are the only person I "know" in the blogosphere that has got clean from opiates.
      Thanks for being here, love sent to you x

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  19. When I seen Hamper Gs hair in such a adorable hairdo I promised myself when my hair grows long enough I will wear it just like hers.I wont look so cute but Im a kid at heart.XoXoxo

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    1. Hi Bev. Hamper G's hair was right down to her waist until she got hold of the scissors and chopped it all off!
      I used to love doing different styles with it, but she was never keen, which is probably why she cut it off . . . She's a rascal and a tomboy x

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  20. Great photos. It's nice to see your area of the world. I've not been to Wales but to some other parts of England. Hope that the fear and dread leaves your heart. Life really is good, you know. A gratitude list is a good thing to do when feeling down. Just saying.

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    1. Thanks Syd,
      The fear and dread have subsided but I was prescribed Prozac three or four weeks ago. It's difficult to know if they have helped or not. My only concern with them is that they've made me feel complacent . . . which is not good. I need to feel the fight.
      I do have a lot to be gtateful for though, and I should write a list . . . I love writing lists!
      Thanks for being here Syd, I am grateful for every reader and every comment x

      Delete
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