Wednesday 22 June 2016

A Rare Event!


Very rarely the full moon of June; the honeymoon, more often called the strawberry moon as strawberry picking begins, coincides with the Summer Solstice. The last time was 1967 and the next time will be 2062. 

Slightly more often than this, I sneak over to my blog and sit and wonder why? So many whys. Too many whys and then I run away. This time I didn't run away. I began to catch up on your blogs, re-read comments that have been left here. I realised, yet again, how lucky I had been to have such support and love and understanding from so many good people ... I was overwhelmed and angry with myself and I almost ran away again. I tried to work out why; why I run away from so much good. More whys followed...

I sat up till the early hours (last  night) reading here, wondering why and if... if I could start again, why not, if not and so on. I read through a few of my posts, the last handful only made it as drafts but even so, I just know that I always felt better, in some way or another, after writing a post ... every time.

This is starting to look like a post, to feel like a post in that I feel connected somehow already and that feels like a good start.

It's gone midnight and I could write all night. Or I could post this and come back and keep coming back as they say. I am sorry that it has been such a long time, I have no excuse other than I am slightly bonkers and tend towards self destruction but I am trying to change. Still. When I can focus I am trying to grasp the basics of mindfullness and self-discipline.  I am sure these are necessary to make some of the changes that I need to make. I guess I need to learn to focus first. Now there's a strange word, focus.

Lordy its nearly 1am, its taken almost an hour to write four lines. Focus indeed. I really will be back. I hope I get a chance to reconnect with you. I have truly thought about you all at some point over the years and missed you. I'm sending hugs and love and thanks to you.





8 comments:

  1. Woo Hoo and happy dances.
    It is WONDERFUL to see a post from you.
    Heartfelt hugs.

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    1. Woo Hoo and happy dances here too at finding a comment... from you!! You've made my day and I'm off to bed now. I will be back with news very soon.
      Thankyou x

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  2. You don't know me but I stumbled upon your blog quite a while back, and have since read the entire thing. I'm happy to see an update and would like to hear more about how things are going for you!

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    1. O how lovely... I have just written my next post, about to publish in few mins. Its all a bit depressing (apart from the update on the kids), but its honest and thats all it can be.. thanks for reading I will come and check if you have a blog x

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  3. Good to read you again. I have been busy with life. But glad to catch up with you!

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    1. O wow, how good to see you here Syd, thats made my day! ... I was just writing my next post on the hopelessness of addiction, or of ever getting clean ... and I swear I thought to myself as I wrote it; Syd would say "get along to N/A bugerlugs!". But feel free to say it. Thanks so much for still being here. Really xx

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  4. JUST SAW THIS!!!!

    Welcome home my friend...so happy to see you hear and can't wait to see you more.

    Love and hugs and more love,
    Sherry

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    1. Hey there! Been thinking of you recently, considering meditation etc... but I couldnt find you at Blog or wordpress?.. will try again now I know you are definitely here.
      So good to hear from you Sherry, thanks for being here and reading. Sending hugs and love and will come find your blog thing right now x x

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