So many true loves and smiles. I suddenly felt so alone. Ouch. This is unexpected and uncomfortable. I think I'll go to sleep and hope it's a fleeting . . . ? I don't know, a fleeting something, brought on by photographic memories. It's certainly a first . . . Shit maybe I was just too numb before. Sometimes I get scared by all the feelings I will feel when it all wears off. Sometimes I wonder . . .
It's late. It's not like me to feel sad. It's like my soul is crying. I'm not, but I could be if I'm not careful.
I'll come back in the morning and scan those photos in and then post the thing I was writing earlier before this happened.
I don't want to cry, I know it's OK to cry and might even be more than OK . . . Might even do me some good. But truth be told, I don't want to cry . . . Not tonight. I wouldn't usually mind but I suddenly feel alone; I don't want to cry and feel alone . Fuck, this is not like me. I'm tempted to delete this . . . but I wont because it's new. I suspect it could be a new part of me, I could be wrong; it may well be a one off, but I doubt it. It's caught me by surprise that's for sure.
All that love. Given and taken. Discovered and discarded. Treasured and trashed. I'm off to sleep. All those hopes of forever. Promises I couldn't keep.
. . . If I, if I have been unkind; I hope that you can just let it go by.
If I, if I have been untrue; I hope that you know, it was never to you.
Like a baby stillborn, like a beast with his horn; I have torn everyone who reached out to me.
But I swear by this song and by all that I have done wrong; I will make it all up to thee.
Bird a on a wire Leonard Cohen.
Save the Night . . . Melanie.
Save the night, if I could find a feeling I could save the light
that lit our nights before,
before we knew the reason saving nights were for.
Save the light, the light that made us sure
we'd never find that light at any other door.
. . . Sometimes I'll slip away; I'll pretend life and dream that I can save the day.
Right, I really am off to bed now; having listened to some, what might well be considered "depressing", music has cheered me up no end. No, really it has. In fact I'm not even gonna scroll up to check what I've written; I'll want to delete it, immediately. I'll be like shit, who was that, what was all that about?
So . . . That was last night.
Today is a new day. I'll scan in the photos and do the Stropster (belated) Birthday post. First I have to do some cleaning, washing, cooking . . . Happy Father's Day to all you Fathers, take it easy ;-)