Saturday, 19 November 2011

Geezer's indigestion

I started a post last night that I fell asleep on literally. It needed so much editing I may as well start again.
Every time I go on a prison visit I get so nervous about getting into the place, one would think I was taking a kilo of H with me. I'll tell you why.

A few years back, pre Hamper G, I was already with her Dad (We'll call him LQ though he doesn't feature much) and he was doing an 18 month sentence for dangerous driving and a few other bits and bobs. He had sent me a Visiting Order for Myself, Stropster, Geekster and a friend of ours, lets call him Geezer cus he is a geezer. He hadn't been with us before and wasn't exactly a close friend of LQ but he had a car which made things easier so I just accepted that's how it was. I did wonder on the way over if he had been invited for a "reason" but I didn't ask, I didn't want to know. I wished I hadn't even started wondering about things in the car, now concerned that I might behave nervously on his behalf.

Let me just say at this point, If I were offered a million pounds to take so much as one bag of gear into prison I would absolutely, most definitely not, under any circumstances, get involved. I am just not the type to pull it off. Or even try to pull it off.  There are obviously many that can, and do, without a flicker of an eyebrow, but it aint me babe. When LQ was convicted he pretty much expected that I would help him in a way that ex girlfriends had helped him . . . Sorry lovey, call me spineless, and he did, but I have two kids (at the time) to think of. Tell me over and over that I will get in ok without a second glance but I know I won't. Shit I cant even tell a white lie so let's not be silly.

So we got there late, everyone else had gone through. I'm not sure if that was intentional on Geezer's behalf. Maybe he knew stuff like if you were late the dogs would have been put back to kennels or there would be less staff on entry or . . or . . I don't know, maybe we were just late. Anyhow we waited and waited. Geezer smelt a rat. He has a well trained nose. The staff went through the motions of walking us through the scanner arch, putting our belongings in a locker, the usual stuff. Then they ushered me and my two boys into the next room where there was a black Labrador waiting. That was unusual. Some prisons have them on every visit, some occasionally. For that particular prison it wasn't the norm. Geezer caught a glimpse of the dog as they closed the door behind me. That was when I saw the rat that Geezer had smelt. He was small, thin, steely-eyed, kind of perverse looking with a smirk of sadistic enjoyment. He told me to stand on the "footprints" and must have made some secret signal to the dog to "show interest" because the dog did indeed "show interest" and there was absolutely no reason why he should. I suppose if they have intelligence on someone who is definitely "carrying" something  ie.The prisoner has been heard boasting about having something brought in that day or has been heard making plans on the phone. And the dog shows no interest because they have it well enough concealed, there must then be a way of making  the dog "show interest" as an excuse to do follow up searches.
The Rat was up in my face, on his tiptoes, as I had platform boots on  "You will be looking at 7 to 10 years for this, how did you think you would get away with it? You foolish girl. Did you really think it would be so easy?"
I protested. The dog is wrong. Do you think I'm mad? I was shaking, my legs were failing along with my bladder.You're wrong. I wouldn't do it for a million quid. You don't know me. How dare you? Are you mad? I was crying. The boys were crying. The Rat was having  none of it. He thought I was acting up.
"We have intelligence on you" he said "We know you are carrying drugs! and you will face the consequences"
Shit. I started to believe him now. What if? What if  Geezer had slipped something into my coat pocket or . . . or . . . or.  No he wouldn't. Would he? Would he? Why else did the dog sit down? Fuck. Shit. God. Please God. I was dizzy. Nauseous. Seven years! This is not happening. I might not see the outside again. My boys. O God Please.
We were put in a side room where the boys and I were searched as well as they could without a strip search. They couldn't strip us there as they only had one female officer available. We were put in a corridor to stand for what seemed like hours with our hands held out in front of us. Geezer was strip searched in a side room and came out . . . free to go!!!! What? So where was it? Or was there nothing? My head was fucked. I started thinking awful things. Had Geezer put it in one of the kids pockets when he first smelt that rat? or in my bag? No. He's a friend. Surely not. But he was free to go. They told me I would have to wait to be taken to a police station to be strip searched. They didn't know how long we would have to wait. They put us in a holding cell. Geekster was only 5 he hid under the chair. He stayed under the chair. Tears catch my throat thinking about it. I was terrified. They were terrified. Geezer asked if he could see us. There was a female guard and a male guard in this tiny room with us standing at the door. Facing us. Geezer popped his head in (behind them) to say he would wait in the car outside for as long as need be. As he said this he made an "eating" motion with his hand to his mouth? Was he telling me to eat it? eat what? Did he think I had something too? I didn't know what to think any more. My head was a mess. Eventually a car was available. They took us to a police station.The driver was good to the boys and let them stay in the car whilst I was taken in to be strip searched. He was particularly nice to Geekster and let him sit in the front to make the blue light flash. God knows the lad needed some distraction. I wondered why they didn't want to search the boys. Why wasn't I hand-cuffed, I could have pulled out anything I might have hidden whilst in the back of the car and thrown it away on the way into the station. I started to realise this strip search was just humiliation and that I was no longer a serious suspect. And it was humiliation. I've had a few strip searches and that was by far the worst. The most thorough. Bitches. I didn't care. I was too damn relieved to find no one had planted anything on me. Even as they searched through my clothes I half expected them to pull out a surprise. No. Nothing. I could go. I was free. I didn't feel it. I was still scared.

We were driven back to the prison where Geezer was waiting. We drove off. I didn't speak. We drove home the back way through the countryside. Geezer told me when they took him into the room to strip him, they said they had seen him bite something from underneath his watch strap as I went into the dog room. He told them he kept Rennies there for indigestion. They said it would be on cctv. He said, good that way they would see it was Rennies. I could see now why Geezer had come with me. When he'd left the prison to wait for us Rat man had followed him out and said "Just off the record mate on a one to one, what was it then? Heroin? Crack?" . . .  "Rennies mate, Rennies"

He pulled into a field on the way home, downed a Special Brew in one, started throwing up from the car door, went into the field for a piss and seemed to score from somewhere. Two half t's (2 x 0.8g). He gave one to me but I didn't have any foil. We went straight to the nearest Spar. I needed that smoke. He needed another Brew.
I received a six month ban from all prisons. Then a year on closed visits (behind glass).

That's why I am nervous about getting into prison. I imagine all possibilities and impossibilities. I stay right away from everyone in the waiting area. One waiting area was rows of seating. I had on a hoodie. I thought what if the person behind me drops something into my hood to be retrieved in the visit room? My head goes crazy . . . I  go to the loo every 5 minutes, making myself look suspicious. I have no choice. I watch Hamper G in the play area of the waiting room. What if one of the parents tells their child to put this "sweety" in that girl's pocket? What if? And on it goes . . . No wonder I find visiting so stressful.


  1. I find that being under suspicion makes me feel guilty most of the time. I'd be beside myself in your shoes too.

  2. I have done my share of prison visits, although maybe because I'm older I'm generally treated with respect. There is NO way I would ever try to bring anything in. But the whole atmosphere there..I completely understand the paranoia. The way the guards look at you, makes you feel guilty even when you are not.

    I remember the waiting room full of kids visiting also. And really old mom/dads. Ugg.. now I'm sad. Drugs take such a toll on the people around the addict...

  3. Jeannie,
    Yes I feel guilty even when I'm not. Its the effect the police have on me. I was on edge for days after that.

    I'm not so sure it's an age thing as I too am one of the older visitors. I think it's more association. As in, if you are a parent of an inmate, they don't see you as a "baddy". But a partner or an ex is associated by choice to the prisoner, therefore guilty.
    Also as my ex continues to give dirty drug tests inside, they know he is getting it from somewhere and I'm generally his only visitor . . . so I constantly feel I am being watched. They always sit us at a table near the guards table with a camera directly over us. There is a lot of sadness in there. I always feel for the parents of young prisoners, sometimes they sit there and don't know what to say. They are just there to support their kids. Heartbreaking. Good news about Andrew though.

  4. OMG what a horrible experience! Damn, you just go to a prison as a visitor and might end up not coming out again, even though you didn't even do anything. Stuff like that gives me nightmares. And your poor kids, that's just awful :(

    The more i read from you, the more i find strong similarities to me :D I'm exactly the same, seriously. I could never ever do anything, just because i'm scared to death. I never even did anything and was never in trouble with the police. Still, i get nervous when i see them. Hell i get nervous on the way out of a store, when i have to walk through that alarm thingy, even though i do not steal!

    I also get nervous to the point of almost hyperventilating, when i cross a border! But for no reason at all... No idea why i have those fears at all. Might just be a part of my anxiety problems, i don't know.

    I stay miles away from anyone that has trouble with police and does illegal things. The only illegal thing that i did was using. I never sold anything. When i went to score, i did it as fast as possible and was gone again. Some people are hanging out on those drug spots in the city, but i never did that. I got paranoid and scared the minute i got there to score, for fear of being caught by police.

    I would have the same fears about visiting someone in prison. Never have been in a prison for visiting, but i'm sure i would be scared and would look suspicious.

  5. Natascha.
    It's weird innit? most addicts are used to the police and give them a load of chat. When Hamper G's Dad lived here before I had her, the police were always coming through the door, as they knew him from a nearby city. I used to fall apart literally and shake for hours. He was so accustomed to it he would carry on doing his shot or smoking or whatever he was doing. I suppose if you're brought up with it, its normal. Even now after all these years as soon as I see a copper I go weak legged and panic, even if I dont have anything on me. They have way too much power for my liking.
    I read your sad news earlier but did not comment yet. I will pop over to yours in a bit when I have got the kids to sleep. I hope you are coping ok and Murli is comforting you :-) Take care

  6. Completely weird! Yeah, they sure have way too much power and somehow continue to get even more power through new laws in most western countries.

    Yeah, there are those people, that are completely relaxed around cops. Wish i could be so relaxed too. I always have a fear and i you sound like you have too, that they can literally screw you over whenever they want, even if you are totally innocent.

    I remember one time, i was in a train from Vienna to Graz, when suddenly cops in plain clothes and drug sniffing dogs showed up, walking through the whole train and checking every single passenger. I didn't have anything on me, just what was in my blood lol. When i saw them sticking their heads into the compartment, my heart made a huge jump and then i felt the nausea coming up and started hyperventilating. The best part, i tried to hide my panic attack, as i feared they would take me apart upon noticing my panic. I gave them my ID, with a shaking hand, and hoped they would be done soon, but no. The cop gave my ID to another cop who checked it and the other cop remained in the compartment, staring at us and me the whole time! I was almost suffocating, while trying to keep myself from breathing too hard. At one point i thought i'd just faint. But after what seemed to be an eternity, i got my ID back and they where gone again. I took the next 24 hours to come down again and relax. WTF

    Don't worry about commenting. I know how it can be :) There are so many blogs you like to read, but you don't always have time to comment. It's ok.

    I'm fine, just kind of beside me in some form. I'm not thinking too much about it right now, or at least i try. I'm occupied with work, which keeps my mind of it for most of the day. The weekend was kind of strange though and i was hiding in my room for the most time. (I have room for my own, with a computer and all my stuff.) Murli is sleeping next to me on the desk :)

  7. OH! How terrifying!

    For some reason, when going into raves and they're searching people, eye always think eye'm going to have some ecstasy pill on me that eye forgot about from way back when, which is silly because it's not like the clothes haven't been washed and worn in between those events, and eye rarely use ecstasy anyway! Of all drugs, goodness! And at airports become afraid that eye'll suddenly have weapons on me. Just suspicion itself makes a lot of people nervous, and having run into a situation like that has to make it all the worse for you.

    Eye drove for a long time on a suspended license, so just seeing a cop car makes me jump, the automatic thought is that eye'm going to be pulled over, even if eye'm walking!

  8. Eyelick,
    Yeah I totally get that! even when I hear a siren I get the eebee-geebee's. Suddenly need a wee. In the prison visit waiting room I sit and think of all the ways people could plant something on me. Drives me mad. I only ever go on a visit now alone or with someone who I know wouldn't dare take anything in. My best friend in this town who died a couple of years back used to take a lump in every week for her man. She thought it was so easy !?! I just didn't get it? We were quite alike in most ways . . . but a huge difference there.
    Hope all good with you, Angel, Kitties and your studies ;-) x

  9. Sneaking drugs into a prison would terrify me. Eye guess there's a way they do it at some prisons, where a visitor "stuffs" a larger package, then flushes it down the toilet at a certain time, and a person waits at a certain point around the plumbing pipes to dig it out. UGH, what a disgusting job, hopefully they get paid well for it.

    Everything's pretty good. Eye've been pretty busy with school, and nothing really "of note" has occurred to post about lately. Luabelle is as cute and annoying as ever, Angel's getting a pain pump on the 28th. He was hit and dragged by a car many years back, which shattered his lower spine into 32 pieces. It's held together by rods, pins, and screws & he has permanent nerve damage. He's on lots of pain pills and so on, and it only works so-so for him. The people who were in the car were not US citizens or insured, so they were deported, and he was put on a small government check. He probably wishes he would have been better with paying taxes when he was working, because with those kinds of checks, they base it off of how much a person has paid in income taxes. If eye was to go on disability based on what eye've put into taxes, eye would get twice the amount he gets.