Friday, 11 November 2011

Positively lunar positivity

Very productive day (thursday), must be full moon mania creeping in. This is the third day I've woke up with energy. We had  an emergency appointment at 8.30 am with a new dentist for the Geekster, pain had finally got the better of him. He had a baby tooth removed three years ago by another dentist who almost put him off for life. Instead of numbing the gum around the tooth which is more than adequate for a first tooth, he numbed the facial nerve (the one right at the back in the hinge of the jaw. Ouch).  It both shocked and hurt him and he would not go back. Until today.
I coaxed him into giving the new dentist a trial. I felt like such a hypocrite as I badly need to go but have been put off  by one too many horrors. I promised him I would not let this man hurt him. He checked the tooth and said come back at 12.40 for an extraction . . . so we did. I explained to the dentist how he had been scared away and that he badly needed his confidence restoring. So please don't hurt him. Then I sat and watched. He was very gentle and considerate. He struggled for some time with the tooth, wiggling then levering, eventually he got it out and seemed quite surprised at the size of it. It was a big tooth with a long root. Geekster was so brave. I am so proud of him. So impressed with the dentist was I that I registered us all as a family and booked appointments, brave in the knowledge that there was a 6 week wait. I booked Hamper G and Stropster together and me on my own as I don't want to pass my fear/hysteria on to the children. Just as we were leaving the receptionist says "O hold on we have a cancellation tomorrow at 10.30 am would you like that for yourself? Like it? For me? . . erm?  . . . erm? . . . I'm not sure . . . O go on then. No point putting it off.  So that's me tomorrow morning!!  I am terrified and I mean proper scared. If you saw my teeth you would believe me. Once they are restored to their former glory (or as near as they will ever get) I will post a picture of how they are now and after. I was always complimented on my teeth. I took them for granted, with the view  "Everyone has them, what's nice about teeth? what's so special about them? " twelve years of drug addiction later, looking back at pre-gear photos . . .  I now know what was so special about them. I could weep.
So this is a massive step for me. I know its early days and I haven't actually had any treatment yet but I really want to be able to smile again. Proper smile. Not a "hiding the teeth" smile. If it means removing the remaining teeth and having false ones I will be mortified but if that's what it takes to smile again that's what I'll do.
I saw my drugs worker today and told her I was definitely coming to the end of the road with gear. She pretended to be interested, almost managed to sound pleased, asked a few questions that she has asked before and handed me my script. Its just as well that I'm not relying on her for any support other than methadone. I made an appointment with the optician for an eye test to get new reading glasses as one of the arms/legs has completely broken off of mine. How do they stay on? I twist the leg that is still intact into my hair from the side of my face back towards my ear then perch them on my nose! Genius! Made an appointment with Dr for next week regarding this drastic hair loss. Over half my hair has gone in the last month. Worrying. Possibilities are stress, menopause (God help me us),  trauma 3 months ago (?) thyroid problems or just another joy of getting old(er) . . . whichever it turns out to be I hope it stops now while I still have some left. Unlike my teeth, my hair was not affected by drug addiction. It stayed long and thick which I also took for granted . . . until now. If this continues I could end up *clean, bald, muscular, with dentures and a beard  . . . Nice :-)

* I crossed clean out the next day. If I end up bald and bearded, with dentures I would have trouble staying clean.


  1. Oh poor you! I hate the dentist too but have tried to keep up as best I could. I've had trouble with freezing - as in not - and getting horrible jolts when I shouldn't. My last dentist was ok but so expensive. I finally switched and am much much happier with the new one - it was torture to try him though and he wasn't thrilled with my nerves. But his success is my success and I am far less nervous now and he's ok with me.

    Wish I could give tips to keep your hair but I haven't got a clue.

  2. Well done you! And you might get away with having nice new crowns ,cos i have had them on the nhs,if they are necessary(like front teeth).I hadn't considered that there are gentle dentists out there,having had horrendous experiences..Am racking my brains about the hair loss thing,it could be hormonal,or a side effect of stress or even them steroids maybe?
    Well,i am seriously inspired by you and will be watching this space..!xxxx

  3. Jeannie
    That must be awful. It's the worst thing when they hit a live nerve! . . . And paying for the pleasure as well, I can't imagine that. I had a good dentist (after years of horrors) that I was so happy with until 12 years ago when the surgery went private and I lost my place, I was so scared to try a new one because my old one knew me and my fear, he would let me sit up rather than lie back, as I felt out of control lying back, He would open the window if I panicked (so I could jump out :-)) and would check my pulse before he started. If I could've stayed there my teeth would still be fine . . . . I'll post results of visit later.

  4. Annie,
    Thanks lovey. That's more than my own mother could say (well done), after continuously criticising my teeth and trying to get me to go to the dentist you'd have thought she would manage a "well done". I should know better than to expect praise or compassion after 48 years. Silly me. Yes I had 2 front crowns on NHS with my previous dentist who understood me very well . . . then went private. 12 years it has taken me to pluck up the courage to try a new one (and that was only because I was "forced" into the situation and saw how kind he was with Geekster) who has not had to take one pain killer and it was a huge tooth. Yes I totally trust the man (well almost ;-)) but it's out of his hands now . . . will post on result later.
    I did ask Dr if it could be the steroids when it started to fall out but she said, if anything, they would have the opposite effect. In fact they are sometimes used to promote hair growth, which they did on my chin. Me thinks it be the dreaded Meanypause. O the joys of Womanhood and "Maturing" . . . La dee da. Love to you and yours x

  5. Nerves are strange things. My dentist missed mine on the first attempt, then it took a good half an hour for the lower half of my mouth to freeze up. But it freezed up so good I literally felt nothing during the filling. Not the 1% I felt on the top one. Literally nothing. And it took about 3 hours to be able to taste strong white cyder again. Which I've totally gone off by the way.

    You're lucky waking up with NRG but you're not on mood-blanketing drugs are you. I'm fed up of that risperidone and all its manifold side effects I so wish I could have a nice tinge of mania again. Nothing too strong, just lots of euphoria and energy would be nice... if only. I'm so down. Not just depressed down but unmotivated blank down. Ukh.

  6. Oh dear, there is another thing we seem to have in common...

    Seriously, it made me laugh... The thing with the appointment. Exactly the same like me. Bravely making an appointment that one knows will be far, far away. But if you're unexpectedly getting told the appointment is the next day? That is on a different level altogether...
    But you're brave! I would've bugged out and told her i didn't have time the next day lol...

    I nearly shit myself every time i have to go to a dentist, and that days/weeks in advance. When the day has finally come and i'm sitting in the waiting area, my heart races so bad, that i'm getting dizzy and can't even breath right, to the point i'm getting nauseous. When i get up from the where i was sitting, i have to fight real hard not to collapse, as i feel so weak and shaky.

    Had my share of dentist horrors from an early age on and therefore avoided going to dentists as much as i could, only going when i couldn't cure the pain myself.

    I have been to the dentist a lot recently, because i want to get my teeth fixed too. Every time nearly dying. My next appointment will be in January, so i'm still brave too lol.

  7. I hate dentists, but not THAT much.

    I'd rather have a tooth extraction than a blood test, any day of the week.

    This does have a lot to do with having a junkie's hammered veins, it has to be said. And like any self-respecting addict I HATE anybody else stabbing away at me!

    I was nearly SICK last time I had to have a blood sample taken, it trickled in so very slowly she informed me it may well congeal in the party popper thing they collect it in and block it up before it ever filled up. After a VERY long 2-3 minutes the party popper was nearly full and I was close to vomiting. Literally. Because I hate the sight of blood so much. It was utterly traumatic and I think the dr who forced me into that procedure should be severely punished.

  8. ps has your bronchitis gone away yet?

    my common cold has

  9. Fear of the dentist is one of the most common fears. And it makes sense! Who wants someone poking around in the sensitive areas of the mouth! Unfortunately, its also very important so I am happy to hear you are going.

  10. Gledwood,
    I was so pleased to see the old hamster there, went straight to your blog but sad to hear you're down again :-(
    I went back to the Dr re chest (thanks for asking) and she said it would take up to six weeks to clear due to weak lungs, so still wheezing a little . . . but still smoking. Did you stop yet?
    I don't mind extractions or any work once its all numb. I just hate the needles in my mouth. Anywhere else is fine, no problem, but in the mouth!? Horrendous.
    That "unmotivated blank down" rings some bells, but I only usually get 2/3 days maximum of that feeling. Thank God. Thats what I refer to as "tangled wet rope or cotton wool head". Yuk!
    Hey here's one for you . . does the punctuation go inside the speech marks "" or outside? I keep swapping as I aint got a clue. Knew you would know. Real good to hear from you. Missed you. Take care. x

  11. Natascha
    Yes I'm exactly the same in the waiting room. I keep thinking I need a wee then I get to the loo and nothing. At least you have decided to get yours sorted in time. Read my next post . . . its so depressing. I really regret not having faced my fears earlier. O well too late now. Look forward to reading your January experience :-) well done you though for going.

  12. Barbara,
    Thanks . . . Yes I was happy to hear I was going too . . . until I went!! The result is in the next post :-( I wish I had gone sooner obviously or could afford individual implants screwed into gum. Think not. Anyway what's done is done. I think you are doing the right thing with Keven. You need some emotional distance for your own sanity. For what it's worth somedays I don't like my lad (16) Stropster even though I love him. He can be so selfish and inconsiderate. He will want your love one day for sure. Love your new title and hope you settling in to "your life". Take care

  13. Hair... have had hair-loss problems before, the last time was caused by purging anorexia, the time before was actually a couple months AFTER the end of an extreme dieting phase, so not a clue what was the cause. Used tea tree oil on hair and took some supplements from GNC, some kind of essential-fats in a caplet, 3 pills daily. They were yellow. Maybe that would help, not sure.