Suffice to say I'm off to get a second, third, maybe fourth opinion . . . also to get a price to have the work done privately . . . Yes, I know, I'm expecting it to be in the £5000 region . . . But where there is a will there's a way. I managed to find £5000 every year (minimum) for the past twelve years to fund my habit so I would willingly spend that amount on my teeth.
I have been watching You Tube clips of Harley Street dental technicians crafting realistic prosthetics that look, feel and sound like teeth. Each tooth is lovingly sculpted separately then fixed onto the denture base . . . Beautiful . . . It's a true work of art. Ahhh one can dream. Ok no more teeth talk . . . For now. I'm quite convinced something good will happen and you'll be the first to know.
I've done a few more hours gardening and bought some grass seed to re-seed some bald patches. Slowly but surely it will be transformed.
Hey . . . I've just noticed the date . . . The ninth. Well I can't just ignore that can I?
That's a whole month off Heroin, I would say clean but I know some folk don't consider even a small methadone script "clean" . . . Who cares? . . . I don't much like the implication of a user being "dirty" anyway so lets just say I've had a month free from heroin addiction and it's been wonderful . . . Free being the operative word.
Sometimes, usually as I'm cooking dinner at about 6pm, I get a fleeting anxious moment . . . A strange mixture of dread and excitement and I wonder what it is. It's a habit. A month ago it would've prompted a string of mostly unanswered texts until 8pm . . . if I was lucky, nine or ten if not, and a whole load more anxiety, panic, exasperation and general jumpiness until I finally got a bag of mostly post-drought quality Heroin . . . to smoke . . . and fall asleep . . . Every night!? Was I nuts?
I can hardly believe it.
Now, that moment is immediately followed by a relief, a lightness, almost a floaty feeling as it quickly sinks in that I don't need to act on it. It's gone as fast as it came. Click. Gone. And as much as I'm thankful that it disappeared so fast, I'm also thankful that it happened . . . to remind me, even if only for a split second and to make me more aware of the moment that follows . . . To heighten the sense of release . . . The feeling of freedom.
I still eat my dinner, get hamper G to bed, go on-line for a while . . . and fall asleep . . . In peace . . . Not worrying about money, chances of scoring, quality of gear or possible impending drought . . . Just that bledy denture :-)
O well, I've spent way too much time looking at this screen today so I'm off to bed. Shit I just woke up . . . I still manage to fall asleep face down on the laptop,