Friday, 4 May 2012

More goofiness

Hey this is a first, it's early morning and it's peaceful. The boys have gone to work and school and Hamper G is still asleep. Bliss. It's raining. Cosy.

A quick update on my visit to the surgeon. He was a lovely man, who was prepared to sit and listen to my concerns, the results of my research  and my reasons for changing my mind. He didn't rush me. I told him about my radical change of life style and that I was worried that this was too much, too soon. I don't want to wake up from surgery with a poor denture, not to mention a change of mouth shape, and become so depressed that I relapse. He understood this fear. He is writing back to my dentist regarding a partial top denture (rather than a full one) with a view to keeping some of my remaining top teeth. This might only last for six or seven years, but maybe I will feel more ready by then. Maybe.

I think my dentist originally recommended this course of action as I'd told him I was extremely nervous in "the chair" and I was still using at the time. However nervous I am in treatment, I am prepared to go through with it to keep my remaining six top teeth. I might have to go into private treatment with a special "phobia dentist" for the repair work. Whatever it takes I will do. I have a "goofy profile"  and I know a full denture will change this . . . the changes in the past six months of my life are all for the better. I am not ready to take such a huge risk. I'm scared it might set me back. I will of course keep you updated on this. This might seem a tad vain for someone who has spent the last six years with some front teeth missing  . . . But I look in the mirror a bit more these days and smile a lot more. I care more about me. I think he understood.

I took various photos today on youcam to record my profile for future reference. I haven't bothered too much about anonymity so far . . . So here's the goofiness that I'm so attached to ;-)
My dad had this prominent top lip until they fitted him with dentures, also at forty nine, then it kind of flattened down to a more normal vertical (more of a parallel to the forehead than an almost parallel to the nose, which it is at present). I'm a portrait artist and a little obsessed with angles of facial features. They matter. To me.

I do realise this is not exactly interesting but it's a huge part of my journey. I have so much I want to write, so much past and present. I could honestly sit here all day . . . I want to finish my "Professor Higgins" part two, it's a biggy that one. We were both slightly deranged in our own right, but together . . . well.

OK, I'm gonna have my bowl of sawdust, work out, do my weights and stay clean. Some of the lads from the city N/A came over to our local N/A this Wednesday. There were ten of us instead of four. I heard some very encouraging stories, bless their hearts. Bless all our hearts today eh.
Thanks, as always for being here. Enjoy your day.


  1. I love your 'goofiness'. Keep it. It is part of who you are and more than that it is part of how you recognise yourself. As you said you are undertaking enough life changing things at the moment without doing something which could lead to you waking up and not recognising yourself.
    PS: I keep going back and clicking on that photo. Goodness you are attractive.

    1. Hi The E'sC . . Yes, I'm glad you get it. I knew you would. Hamper is hampering me for the laptop. I just posted a tune . . . Hope you like it ;-)
      I'm working out to Donovan. Much love and thanks.

  2. I don't see much goofiness your profile looks all in proportion etc. to me... actually from that side angle you remind me of an extremely attractive and funny Irish girl I worked with years and years ago who frankly never stopped making me laugh with some of the most odd conversations you can imagine... she came back from the ladies one day and announced she thought she was growing a third nipple. Of course several "lads" offered to double check. After an hour she toddled off again and came back holding something in her hand - she showed me a very mishapen and molten chocolate button... "Must have drop down me boobs on the tube bad to take me bra off to fish it out"... honestly she was a total scream - this is one of the publishable ones!

    Anyway, enough of my memory lane, - my experience... I can recall at least 3 people, two male one female who have all had considerable reconstructive dental surgery in the first few months/years of sobriety. It is not vanity for vanity sake I don't think I think it is just like you say people smile more and are more conscious of these things. Trust me all three of them were fantastically happy with the results and now as I think of them it is beaming smiling faces I'm thinking off... not the blotchy, haggered, sullen ones I remember them walking into the rooms with originally. So go for what makes you feel better and comfortable ...

    1. Hi, I suppose I call it goofy cus that's what I was called at school. It's more of a serious "overbite". When the dentist was doing the impressions for the denture (that I'm not having) he said "O we can correct this overbite with the dentures" . . No! I said no!
      I will have to find out what my options are but I just know I can't go for a full top denture . . . Yet!
      Just as well they didn't fit me in for it straight away whilst I was still using. I would've gone through with it and regretted it . . . Now that would've been regret.
      I couldn't scroll down to comment on your last post but I found it interesting . . . It's good to have a spring clean under the rug now and then.

  3. I have a totally irrational (rational) fear of dentists.

    I've seen real 'goofy'... you ain't 'goofy'!

    1. For some reason, no doubt my mistake, I've replied to your comment further down, below Annette's comment.

  4. I don't see "goofy" either but I know what you mean. Dentists consider it misshapen while the people who know you consider it part of your character. You know how your Dad looked after the work so you can see if it's right for you now or not. It doesn't seem to have affected your attractiveness to the opposite sex so I wouldn't say to change for the sake of change. Restoring your smile isn't vanity at all. I think it's a sign of a healthier you. Vanity would insist that you get everything "fixed" as though your old smile were the cause of all your problems.

    I am so happy for you that you are becoming healthier on so many levels. And a little bummed out at myself for not.

    Fear of dentists is pretty common - I had quite a lot of anxiety myself until my most recent dentist.

    1. Yeah Jeannie, he seemed to think that as they were making a denture, they would make it straight. I've looked back at photos of my Dad and there was a big change. I'm not ready for that sort of change.
      He said to try and fix my remaining teeth and fill the gaps would be a bit of a bodge job . . . I say OK, bodge away then. I don't mind that they won't be white and straight, I'm 50 (almost) and would rather they have a bit of character than be in a neat row and too small.
      I don't mind if it takes 7 months to fix them, it took me 12 years to wreck them.
      I would love to find a dentist that I trust. I had one 13 years ago but he went "private" and retired early.
      I'm just so pleased that the surgery didn't happen before I got clean. I possibly would've been so pissed off, I might not have got clean.

  5. Not goofy at all, my Lovey! Just pure beauty to me =)

    Can't write much today - Migraine - but I'll be back (my best Terminator voice)

    You make me proud each and every day!!

    1. Ahh Lovey, everyone is being so kind . . . As I said above, I guess the school nickname of Goofy just stuck!
      I had lots of problems scrolling on other blogs at the minute . . . No idea what that's about. I can scroll fine on my blog?! It's so frustrating. I read your post but it wouldn't let me comment.
      You know what's best for you and your family. And we're all with you in whatever you do. Hugs x

    2. Told ya I'd be back =)

      Isn't it horrible how the crappy stuff people say to us, even (or is it especially?) when were were kids stick? My mom said some horrendous stuff to me when I was a teen which lead to me moving out when I was 17 and I emancipated myself from my parents so I could attend college (then got into drugs oops LOL) but her words still haunt me from time to time.

      Yeah, I'm almost dreading calling Tasha and letting her know that I'm holding off on going out to her house until the end of the summer, if at all. I don't want her to be disappointed, but, if I know her like I think I do - she'll just want me safe, secure and happy - which I am.

      Look at me, rambling all over your blog. I'm sorry. I guess I need to write a post of my own today LOL

      Anne mentioned not being able to comment and I think having some blogger issues a few hours ago.....

      Love and hugs Lovey - you rock!

  6. I see no goofiness either. :o)

    I do definitely remember "This is the day." And Rejoice in the Lord, and Draw Me Lord..... lol

    I am so glad you found a dentist/surgeon who is giving you time and listening to you. Good stuff.

    1. It's strange how we see a different "us" to how other people see us, isn't it. My top teeth are way in front of my bottom ones!
      O . . . I thought you would know that one. Yes I know those two, too ;-). I still catch them going over in my head 34 years on.
      Yeah, unfortunately he was the surgeon who was going to remove them, not my dentist . . . So I won't be seeing him again.
      My dentist referred me to him to remove the teeth under general anaesthetic as he doesn't want to fix my remaining teeth. But the surgeon understood and has referred me back to the dentist to say I've changed my mind. If "my" dentist won't do the work, I will find one who will. I won't be rushed that's for sure.

  7. Yes, It is a rational fear isn't it.
    The thought of the drilling alone makes me wince . . . Then those injections right into the hinge of the jaw.
    The stuff of nightmares.
    I did get called goofy at school but the dentist refers to it as a pronounced overbite. Whatever it is, I'm used to it now.

  8. Personally, I think it's a bit late to be trying to correct an over-bite at 49. I think your teeth give your face and jaw line character and why would you want to change that. Let's face it they are meant to be for chewing up food, and if they serve that purpose lets just leave well enough alone, (except where that function needs restoring!) I hate what I refer to as "American Teeth", no offense to any Americans!, but you know what I mean those large, straight, super-white teeth, only achieved after years of expensive orthodontic work!
    Give me good old British teeth any-day, slightly crooked a bit yellowing after too many fags! Way more character in that. Ha, ha, maybe I have gone a bit far, if anyone has been blessed with perfectly natural, pearly-whites, well I am incredibly jealous.
    Kiwigirl xo

    1. Kiwigirl,
      yeah, they weren't correcting my over-bite intentionally. That's just what happens when you get a top denture. The upper gum ridge recedes over time because there are no longer roots in there, and as a result of this there would be less overbite. (which they thought I should be happy about) I'm not.
      I'm more than happy with yellowing, crooked teeth and don't want that "neat row of teeth" look but there are two big gaps at the front so although I can still chew food, just about ;-), I'm very conscious of how yuk it looks, and very aware of peoples judgemental reactions when I smile. So I don't smile naturally, how I used to . . . It has to be sorted.
      But not their way . . My way. If they want to call my way a bodge job that's fine by me. I'll be more than happy with my bodgy smile :-)
      Shit I nearly fell asleep there . . . it's been a long day. Have a great weekend Kg. x x x

  9. I don't know what to make of the teeth..I have beautiful, straight, pearly whites. Not boasting, I just don't understand the nuances of the dental problem. I gather you think (or someone thinks?) you look goofy, but I find your profile interesting.

    Whatever the exact nature of the problem, you are very lucky to have free dental care in England, because it is very expensive here. Some people here let their teeth rot away due to lack of money, and it looks awful.

    I get what you are saying about being self conscious. I have thin lips, all the women in my family do. I tried injections (hurts like HELL by the way) but for some reason my body rejects it.

    Happy to hear you are still working out. You will see results, keep it up!

    1. I was just a bit concerned about this whole denture thing . . . and the changes it would bring about.
      The dentist seemed to think it was an advantage that the "pronounced overbite" would no longer be this way with a denture . . . I want it this way.
      I know we're lucky to have free dental care, but it doesn't cover everything. It will cover as much as they recommend ie; a top denture.
      As I've decided I want my remaining teeth kept and fixed, then the gaps filled with a partial top denture, it looks like I might have to pay.
      If I didn't have front teeth missing I would be happy with what I have . . . but it doesn't look good and instantly changes the way people are towards me.
      Wow i imagine injections in the lips would hurt a lot . ..
      The muscle building results are definitely showing. But the weight is not going as fast as I would like ... I'm

      gonna come back and read some more on the web-site that you linked to. I hope you're feeling better.

  10. I have naturally straight, white teeth and few fillings. Genetics is good for teeth as well as other body parts! I think that good oral hygiene is important. It reminds me of what a friend once told me: look at a person's mouth and see if you would want to kiss them.

    1. I would love to blame gentics Syd but twelve years ago my teeth were just fine. There's no doubt the drugs and neglect have taken their toll. I will get it sorted somehow I just wish it could be sooner rather than later. I want to be able to smile . . properly.