Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.

At last . . . I've found some time to write. I should be at N/A but Stropster has tonsillitis, he's at his Dads house; he can rest there with no hampering from Hamper G or Geekster, so I can't go out. This is probably just as well as I wasn't exactly in the mood for "Mr -I was-an-arsehole-when-I-was-an-addict-so-you-must-be-one-too". As a matter of fact I'd rehearsed several times this week what I was going to share in that meeting, regarding his opinion on how much verbal abuse I deserve from Stropster. I thought it might be worth sharing with the other folk there, as he always manages to tell me these little snippets of his opinion when no-one else is around or listening . . . I think it's time the rest of the group heard what he has to say to me. Yes, well that can wait until next Wednesday. I won't forget.

Anyway, enough of him . . . I did six days out of seven clean!! Yes, I know seven would be better but . . .  well there is no but.

OK, this is the but . . .

It involved my "mentally unstable hermit neighbour". I can't go into her background here, suffice to say she is estranged from all three of her Sons and Grandchildren. She has pushed them to beyond their limits. The police have been called on many occasions when her Sons have come to visit their father; he's twenty years older than her at 78, not in the best of health and has no choice but to stay. He's a very polite and quiet old boy, I always have a chat with when I see him out and about. I haven't heard from this lady in years but she listens from her garden and bedroom window . . . She heard me with my Brother on Sunday afternoon talking about how well I'd done to get over the post-Wales relapse and be back on track again . . .  And how good it was that Hamper was in school. She's watched my garden improve over the last week . . . heard music being played again . . . even the piano. She's noticed a difference. She also heard two of my children and three of their friends laughing and enjoying the trampoline and pool on Sunday afternoon. She heard us all having a lovely family afternoon.

She came into my garden on Monday afternoon for a "chat" . . . She said she came "In the name of Jesus" and in the "Spirit of love" . . . Hmmm. I was polite. I was polite for almost an hour as she complained of the dreadful noise on Sunday afternoon.
"Why can't these other children play in their own gardens?" she asked.
"Because most of their parents like to use their gardens to relax on a Sunday afternoon and pretend that they have no children" I said. "But I don't mind my garden being used for the kids to enjoy and have fun . . . It keeps them all happy" I said.

She pretty much repeated the same crap over and over for nigh on forty minutes . . . Eventually she added "Another neighbour has been to see me, to ask me how I put up with the noise"
"Really?" that's strange, no-one ever goes to her house.
"This other neighbour is going to report you to the council and the police"
"O IS SHE?" I said. I was getting a little impatient by now. I have a very long tether.
"That's OK, I'm sure the police will see the funny side of it . . . It'll be the first time they've been called to this address for something SO serious"

She muttered on some more, and some more, now I was getting truly fed up.
"OK, I've listened politely to you for almost an hour now, I have said I will ask the kids to try and contain their excitement. Now you will listen to me! This is the FIRST FULL day my daughter has done at school. This is the FIRST day that I've had SIX hours to myself in FIVE VERY LONG years. You are NOW pissing me off, you are spoiling my peace . . . but you know that. That is why you are here. Would you please leave before I get MORE than pissed off?" My tether was stretched.

She continued "Well, since you ask what this other neighbour said, I will tell you"
"I didn't ask what this other neighbour said . . because there is no other neighbour"

But it was too late, she was not going to stop . . . this is what she had come "In the name of Jesus" to say, and she was not leaving until she had said it . . . Suddenly she was no longer muttering; her voice was clear and loud.

"This other lady said . . . SMACK HEADS like YOU don't care about anyone or anything else but themselves and their SMACK" . . . and then she waited with a questioning smirk.

I got up from where I was trying to pot some more plants in peace . . . I was already in tears. My tether snapped. I shouted, I screamed at her,

"Now get the FUCK out of MY garden before I knock the living shit out of you!"
"I know what you've come to do and it is NOT in the spirit of love"

But no, she wasn't ready to go yet . . . she came towards me, she tried to touch me!! She said . . .
"I didn't say those words, it's the other lady that said them"

"Touch me and I will knock you flat! Leave MY garden now or I will be the one to call the police"

Would she go? No. She was enjoying this. I could hardly breath I was so angry. I don't ever recall during my life feeling so angry. Feeling. Anger. I had to lock myself in the house to get away from her. As I went to close the back door she tried to get in the door behind me!? I kicked it shut on her with all my might and locked it. As I did so I was shaking, sobbing, on my knees . . . I shouted at her between breaths.

"I will lock myself away for five minutes . . . If I come out in five minutes and you are still there, God help you, you better believe I will drag you back to your house"

She went.
I scored and I used.
1-nil to her. Or to the spirit within her. It was not one of love.

I now know, with hindsight, and two days to calm down, that she was jealous of the loving, family fun we were having. She never complained when things were not good. She never complained when Hamper's Dad was arrested here many times or at other "goings on" over the years. She just used to watch from the window, satisfied that she wasn't the only one not at peace.
This was different.

This made me so angry I was sick.

OK, it's over now. It was only one day out of seven . . . But I have to be aware. This is a spiritual battle. Not religious, let's not get mixed up here. Spiritual.

All is well again. I will come back in the morning with lots of happy news, I just thought this was worth mentioning. I've learned from it.

Love and peace to all x


  1. What a horrible woman! I'm sorry she messed you up so badly. Understandable that you used though of course, we can't condone it. I'd have been ticked off far earlier and been pretty graphic. One afternoon years ago, I was staining my deck and playing the radio - it wasn't all that loud and it was just the local middle of the road station. The neighbor across the street told me to turn it off as it was "disturbing her peace". Since she could not possibly have heard it in her back yard (I couldn't hear it at all down the side of my house) I told her to fuck off. She hasn't spoken to me since and it's been very nice. That was at least 15 years ago.

    1. Jeannie, Yes she is, she wouldn't have got further than the gate at any other house in the street but she knows I can be a bit soft . . . Sometimes.
      I do feel sorry for her but she was obviously here to upset me. I've put a note through her door telling her if she comes to my door again, I WILL call the police. They know her well.
      I hope you're OK, I've been waiting to see a post from you since your birthday . . . I was a bit worried.
      Maybe you'll post today, take care x

  2. It IS a spiritual are so right! And that woman was being used by the evil side.

    1. Annette, It sure is. I fought against this idea for years . . . all part of my "religious" rebellion I suppose.
      Then I realised that the part of me fighting this idea, was the part of me keeping me bound. Trickery and lies, again.
      It was so clear the way she kept repeating "I am here in the spirit of love" . . . "I have the Holy Spirit" She said . . "And those with it can recognise those without it, you are without it" . . . Bonkers!! Scarey really.
      I don't think she'll be coming here again.

  3. Wow, that's a story and a half! What an absolute shit of a woman! I think you showed extraordinary patience to listen to her ranting for so long. I would have asked her to get that 'other woman' to come and see me in person, then inform her that I would ring the police if she didn't leave my property at once. But sometimes the element of surprise (i.e. her just turning up unexpectedly) leaves you unprepared as to how to respond.
    I have a rather large, vicious looking dog, so never get unwanted visitors at my door. He is an absolute sweetie-pie though to anyone that knows him.
    You will be better prepared for her next time, (if there is one) I am sure.
    Love Kiwigirl

    1. Kiwigirl, Yes isn't it just! there was a lot more to it than this and a lot more was said but I tried to keep it short!
      I did say to her "Tell this other lady to come directly to me next time" . . . which of course, if there was another lady, she would've done.
      They all know I'm a peaceful person, no-one would have any problem with coming to tell me about any noise. The only noise was the kids having fun.
      Yes, one was the element of surprise, also I'm very emotional at the moment; all part of my feelings returning. I actually shocked myself when I became so angry!
      I've warned her the police will be called if she comes near my door again.
      Take care x

  4. Mornin !
    WHAT A TERROR, I've had some nightmare neighbours in my time & it would seem your's does definitely take the biscuit, what a bitch. But if she has mental health issues then maybe she just cant help herself, of course that doesn't mean you have to put up with it.
    Sometimes I think events like this,or certain people, are here for the sole reason of testing us & taking us to our limits, if you know what I mean.
    Anyway, 6 out of 7 WELL DONE ! VERY WELL DONE!
    Karl X

    1. Hiya Karl,
      Yeah, she does have major issues. The police are often at her house . . . the bastards always park outside mine though!
      Yes, I'm sure "it" was sent to try me . . . try me it did. I failed!
      But yeah, as you say, let's focus on the SIX days clean ;-) Seven, with today . . . only 12 hours to go.
      Take good care mate x

  5. People, places and things... People mostly - they just don't conform to our view of the world. Decision, I'm off to write an honest blog post about something yesterday that has annoyed me - it angered me at the time, I'm annoyed how I reacted. Luckily I've a few days sober so I didn't turn to drink to ease my troubled mind, but I could so easily do and the person pushing my buttons... really I don't understand the motivation - I try not to judge but I'd like to understand. I'm trying to move on from it today but... for some people I'm sure the pushing to get a reaction is the buzz, that is their drug, they can walk away saying "See I'm not like them" without any insight to their own faults.

    My sponsor would say "Pray for them, wish them all the best in the world they could hope for"... What? I try and try, it sort of works but still they return and exasperate my patience again

    1. Furtheron,
      Yes, I was annoyed at myself later for reacting this way . . . but I'm new to all these feelings . . . especially anger. I was shocked at how angry I became.
      I'm sure you're right, they get some kind of buzz from it; I'm certain she went home very satisfied with herself.
      My Brother said the same thing as your sponsor would say. I don't wish the woman any harm and I do actually feel sorry for her, that she can't enjoy her family . . . but she will not stop me enjoying mine.
      I hope you're feeling more at peace today . . . I look forward to reading your post, knowing that I'm not the only one annoyed at my own anger ;-)
      Thanks for your comment, have a peaceful day x

  6. Wow! Sorry you had to deal with such garbage. Misery loves company and this is a perfect illustration of that fact. What a shame! I'm sorry she messed you up. I would've used too - probably all day and night and maybe I would've gone over and given her a forced dose. Forgive me, I know that's wrong to say but I don't think my tether is as long as yours. Good for you for not knocking her on her arse. She surely deserved it.

    1. Hi JJ,
      I have to learn to deal with these things with a tad more "serenity" . . . Gradually.
      I loved your latest post, you inspired me to dig out the old Silverhip photos that I wanted to post, thanks.

  7. Yep, I totally missed this post. Of all the posts to miss, this is the one I miss.

    I'm glad to know you're still going to your meetings. The important thing is that you recognized your trigger, your learned from it and you're moving forward.

    Much love!!

    1. Hi Lovey . . I thought so, but I did post them pretty close together.
      Yeah, I'll defo make the meeting this week and avoid any arseholes that try to make me angry . . . Or maybe I'll just try laughing next time (see below ;-)
      There's always one aint there?
      Much love Lovey x

  8. So it's your neighbors fault that you got high??? You'll never make it with that outlook. And no wonder your kids have problems- how many different fathers are there? How many in jail? How many years has their "mother" been a junkie?

    1. No, read the post properly; it's not her fault, it was my "fault" for letting my spirit be broken, for getting angry. And I didn't get high, I got numb. Have we not had this "conversation" before? Do you really want answers to these questions;
      There are 273 fathers, potentially ;-)
      One is in jail, one is in heaven.
      A junkie; 12 years, an addict; 34 years.
      And whilst I'm here . . . I'll never make what with this outlook? Rhubarb crumble?
      I'm flattered that you find me interesting enough to still be reading here. Thanks, enjoy! x

  9. Dear Bugs, the woman and her opinions aren't important. It's what you feel about yourself. No one can make you use. And yes, this is about being healed in spirit. I'm sorry that she was mean to you. Mean people do suck. But they are everywhere, discontent with themselves, wallowing in misery, wanting to pass it on to others. That's where the inner peace comes into play. Walking away from rudeness, stating boundaries, and not sticking around for the abuse are part of taking care of the emotional and spiritual being. You will be okay. I feel that you want to be rid of heroin. The other coping skills will come in which the words of people who are ill themselves won't matter because you will see their sickness. Take care of yourself.

    1. You are spot on, of course, Syd . . . I need to keep that inner peace with me. I shouldn't have let her carry on. I stayed calm for so long . . . but it was obvious that she was here to upset me.
      I will be free of Heroin and in time will learn the coping mechanisms that come with being clean.
      I was angry with myself for getting so angry.
      Thanks for reading here and writing this comment, I really do appreciate it. You too, take care.