Wednesday 2 May 2012

Timbrels, Prophecies and Demons

I've not been able to catch up on blogs tonight as my scrollery thingamy is on super slow reaction for some reason, so it would've taken hours . . . I hope it gets better.

Last night I spent some time writing my "fixing the body" page . . . It will progress along with me, there are a few more things to be added, but I'm happy with it for now. It's not exactly an interesting page to "read", unless you would like to see how I intend to lose weight and get fitter . . . but we all know how that's done. No big mystery there. It's really for me to keep track of my progress, motivate and focus myself to make more progress and improve my self-discipline. So far it's working. O yes!

I went along to a city N/A on Sunday . . . Sometimes it seems like such a weird concept and experience, other times it seems like the most normal thing to be doing; which is down to my mood change, not the meetings.

I actually wish they didn't call it a meeting. That word has such "O Blimey, No!" connotations for me. My sister, Bluebell, reads this blog, she will know that feeling. Our childhood was a never ending stream of meetings . . . Sunday meetings, Bible meetings, Healing meetings, Prayer meetings, Mid-week meetings, Home-group meetings. I kid you not.
It was one thing when our parents were "Salvationists" in the Salvation Army which meant going twice on a Sunday, then twice again mid-week for "Timbrels" (tambourine group) and Singing Company rehearsals. But, we should've counted our blessings . . . When our parents left the SA to be Evangelists . . .  part of a large group of Evangelists, who had no "meeting place" . . . Yep, you guessed it, our house became the "meeting place" and boy did they like to "meet". At first I remember thinking, well at least we won't all be in uniform in public on a Sunday, little did I know what "The Charismatic Movement" Circa 1970 entailed.

They didn't sing hymns, they sang choruses . . .  small verses of eight or ten lines, with quite simple lyrics. Come back Charles Wesley.  One night Bluebell and I lay in bed listening, not that we had any choice, and counted them singing the same chorus 54 times! They played guitars, some danced like raving loonies whilst others floated about serenely (there's another word), they brought bongos, bashed tambourines, they had healing sessions where alleged demons were released (into our front room), exorcisms. They sang and howled prophecies in "tongues" No, I really am not joking here. They worked themselves up into frenzies of hysteria. All this in our two downstairs rooms, which had been knocked into one room. Yeah, no wonder.
And they hugged. A lot.
When my parents eventually split up, I was Thirteen I moved away with my Dad and younger Brother who was five, to live in a huge 10 bedroomed house in North Wales, full of this behaviour. 24/7. Lived there. They were all ex-somethings. Ex-addicts, ex-convicts, ex-paedos, ex-nut jobs who had been healed by the Lord and had their demons cast out by the elders  . . . O, that's OK then. Safe.

Consequently, I have a learnt aversion to "meetings, hugs and serenity". I might need to give a bit on this one.

I didn't intend to write about this, I was going to write about "Mr tooth surgeon's" assessment yesterday, but that can wait. It's been a long day.

In any case the Sunday night city N/A gathering was good. As we, yes that's me and Mr hard-core tough guy who gave me a lift there, pulled up in the car, they were mostly smoking outside; if I didn't know where we were, I would've said they were all waiting to score. But they weren't. It was all hugs (mostly the easy half-arsed sort of hugs - although one was a bit enthusiastic) and welcomes. All blokes, about fifteen of them. A very interesting gathering. A warm, friendly bunch of folk. Hey some with even less teeth than me ;-)

So my feet have gone wrinkled in a bowl of hot cold water here . . . Time to dry them and get some good sleep. Good sleep. Good dreams and all that. Waking up happy. Ready for life. Good stuff.
Thanks to everyone here and there.

34 comments:

  1. You sound cheerful and optimistic and that's so good! Keep up the good work and pass along some of that drive to get fit. Mine stops in my brain.

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    1. Yes, I have some pretty good days with new found energy levels (usually after my work out). Mine stopped in my brain for three years until I got fed up of looking 5 months pregnant.
      I also set out to prove the "It's your age" . . . "It will be so hard to get rid of at your age" theories, wrong. I get quite motivated when I seek to prove a point ;-)

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    2. I'm going to have to take a good look at your other page.

      I'm a little embarrassed - my husband and I were pretty gung ho Christians when our kids were little - my husband more than I. I was never comfortable with the in your face evangelical stuff and am entirely horrified with it now with all the hypocrites out there telling people how to live. On the other hand, the faith got me over or through my own childhood traumas so I can't be an atheist. I just don't think modern Christianity has it right.

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    3. By the way - how did you get the reply option on your comments?

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    4. Hi Jeannie,
      I think it just depends on which blogger template you have. I certainly didn't put it there. It wasn't there when I began, it appeared all by itself. (!)
      I am at the same place as you on God (and Christianity). I can't accept that they diss all other religions.

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    5. You can get the reply option by going to settings, clicking on comments there and then selecting the embedded below post option.

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  2. OMG!!!! You just described exactly how I was raised! The 70's charismatic movement... only I was experiencing it here in California USA, while you were there in the UK. It was just me and my mom though and we weren't evangelists or SA, but we were in a very active church. All of the meetings, the chorus' sang over and over....worship could last 3 hours if the "Holy Spirit" was moving, I lived in a commune when I was 11-12 where we had to get up at 5am everyday, even weekends, for prayer time. I felt so guilty because I always fell asleep and I hated doing it!
    I'm glad you tried another meeting. Good for you. You sound really good. I need to check out some of your other pages.

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    1. O yes, three hour meetings, I'd forgotten those. I'd sit and pray that the Holy Spirit would have a day off so we could get away to the beach (in Wales) Lol.
      I expect we know the same "Choruses". I was trying to remember the one that they sang 54 times. They're all still "stuck" in my head. "This is the day" was a fave, ring any bells?
      Having said that . . . I do now believe "This IS the day ... and I WILL be glad in it, hope you will too :-)

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  3. Glad that you made it to another conglomeration of recovering addicts (i.e. NA meeting). No matter what you call it, I am sure that being among those who are seeking recovery will be a good thing.

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    1. Yeah, I won't let the "meeting" or hugs put me off. And the serenity levels are acceptable. I'm off to my local N/A gathering tonight. I do get strength from there, somehow. So I'll keep going back ... and enjoy today clean.

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  4. I always love to see a new post from you. I have just read your fixing the body page. Seriously impressed. I feel very inadequate. It sounds as if you are doing super well with both your mind and your body. More impressed noises.
    We grew up with no religion, so your upbringing sounds quite incredible.. I hate meetings now, but can really understand why they make you a touch antsy. Really happy for you that NA is working better.
    Virtual hugs (which I feel a bit bad about now) from afar.

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    1. Thanks E'sC . . . Yes some days I do better than others, but on the whole, it's all in the right direction. I must say I don't feel like doing a work-out today, or even going out at 7.30 tonight to N/A . . . But, I will make myself. I'm certainly improving in that area.
      Yes our "religious" experiences were a eye-opener; needless to say all four of us rebelled in a massive way at age 14/15. Hmmm.
      Virtual hugs are the best, so I'm sending some your way too.

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  5. Bugs, amazing and interesting about your childhood. You really DO have a story to tell. A question--is the brother that went with you and your dad the one who committed suicide? That must be very painful, I wonder if you have worked through those feelings with a therapist? I hope I'm not out of line asking...

    Every meeting has it's own "personality" that comes from the people there. There is always a leader, a know-it-all, a whiner...just like any other meeting in business, civics, wherever. It often takes awhile to find one you relate too.

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    1. Hi Lou,
      O yeah I could tell some stories. Now funnily enough the eldest brother escaped the "evangelical" experience. He played trumpet in the Salvation Army but left home at 15 to go to catering college.
      I was 9 when he was 15, that's when younger brother was born (ish) and we all left the SA . . . I think my parents marriage went downhill from there.

      When my parents met, my Mum already had elder brother, and I think this caused problems. My Dad used to beat him and I don't think he ever felt part of the family. Especially when my parents then had three children of "their own" so to speak. He was certified Paranoid-Schizophrenic in '83 about a week before he died at 26.
      I think my elder Sister (by 3 yrs), who was with him at the time in Australia, was much more affected by his death. And of course my Mum has major guilt issues . . . amongst other things. Both Mum and Dad were from hard drinking, violent dysfunctional families.

      I don't mind you asking at all, this will all be written in the "Archives". Although I've started the stories at 15, I will flash back and cover the whole lot . . . eventually.

      I did do some work with a therapist sixteen years ago . . . but we didn't get very far really.
      The younger Brother, that I brought up, (who came with me and Dad) was the other Heroin addict, who found God in prison 7 yrs ago. He's happily married now and lives absolutely according to God's will.

      He has recorded his testimony to put on You-Tube and a friend of his is editing it and sorting out the sound etc. He thought it may as well be of a decent standard. As soon as it's up I will send you the link.

      Yes N/A . . . I will keep going for sure as I do find strength there. I'm hoping to try two other City ones soon, but meantime I'll continue with the local one, tonight.

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  6. Bloody hell you had a weird childhood. I went to church too by the way, hence the references to God I keep making. For years I was a kind of nonpractising neopagan, then I thought "fuckit" and went back to Christianity. Haven't been to church for over 20 years though!

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    1. Yeah weird is one word for it ;-)
      I've struggled with churches and the attitiude of some of the people there. I try and keep away from "religion" but still have a relationship with God.
      I find any belief that "disses" other people's beliefs, a bit hard to swallow.

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    2. Ps. Gledwood . . . If you hadn't written a blog, I wouldn't be here now writing this. I borrowed your idea. Thanks for kick starting this will to change.
      With love x

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  7. Oh... My initial "bout" of religion was in the 70s at an Evangelical church. I was into it for a while then saw the hypocrasy in something when my brother and I were challenged for something we'd done which we thought was the "right thing" to be told it was "the wrong thing" but there was no debate, etc. As soon as the first chink was there the ediface crashed around me and I walked away - my sister didn't and is still there. She honestly believes the world is only 5000 years old and that talking about evolution is a sin. I have difficulty keeping my son (Astro Physics Student) and her apart at times. So I know about the "Charismatic" church... you have my sympathies... I hope you can find a suitable place in NA like I have in AA despite your previous experiences

    The body thing - "eat less move more" - simple but then again is most stuff that is good for us

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    1. Yes . . . I think the 70's Charismatic Evangelical (never noticed the word angelic in there before . . . is that what irony is?) Experience might have put a few people off for life. Shame really as it was not all "God led" by any means. My younger Bro (ex-addict) is very much like your Sister and will not hear of evolution. Nor anything less than 100% surrender to God, I think he feels like throttling me sometimes! (very much like my Dad)

      Hey here's one . . . My dad went to my school to request that I be excluded from lessons teaching evolution. How embarrasing?!

      I will stick with N/A no matter what. There's good and bad everywhere, and at least they do say "Take what you like and leave the rest"

      You're spot on with the body thing . . . How simple is that!

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    2. Hey . . . "look for the similarities, not the differences" and that's what I do.
      Some of them talk to me like I might never have heard of God before (!) . . . But that's fine. They were/are all addicts with a desire to get clean and that's enough for me ;-)

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  8. I am NOT religious. I am however, a believer in a higher power.

    To me, religion has always been about "rules" rather than faith.

    My grandmother on my dad's side died while doing her tongues thing at a Pencostal Church. I did not know her well - she struck me as very cold.

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    1. Hi Sherry,
      Yes, unfortunately some "religion" has given God a bad name. It's a very complex subject with wars being fought in the name of religion.
      A lot of power, money and corruption are attached to the "church"
      I just keep it simple and have faith in God. Of no denomination, just God. All that is good.

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  9. I classify myself as Christian, but like Gleds don't go to church. I love that verse, "judge not lest ye be judged" then they spend all their time and effort judging and telling people how to live their lives! A while ago, I decided to say the Lord's Prayer every night before bed, and it brings me such peace. It covers everything. I also adhere to the tenet, "treat others how you would want to be treated". That is the extent of my Christianity. And that's cos Mum used to send me and my brother off to Sunday School on a Sunday morning so she could have a lie in!
    Love your stories Bugz, from KG. xo

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    1. Kiwigirl,
      I aim to live by those two verses too. The "judge not" one, and the "do unto others" one. Very simple texts but if more folk would live by them . . . Well, how good would that be.
      Yes, the Lord's prayer does cover it all. I like The lord's my Shepherd too.
      I just got back from N/A. Thank God I've given up on men (for now) as it was once again all men! I did pluck up the courage to talk or "share", that's another of those words . . . When someone at our home-meetings used to stand up to "share a few words", that could easily mean an extra hour (yawn)
      Glad you enjoyed xoxoxo

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  10. I couldn't help laughing when I read about the lunatic festivities in your front room and the demons exorcised there, but I guess it probably wasn't so funny for you as a child. I can't imagine. I'm glad you're feeling happy to get up in the morning and full of life. Sounds like good stuff. No hugs, just smiles across the miles. :)

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    1. JJ, Yes it is funny looking back, I'm not sure how I felt at the time. It was sort of normal I suppose. WoW! that says it all really, if that was normal!
      I've remembered a lot of stuff about it since I wrote that last night . . . Could be worthy of a very funny post . . . One day.
      I'm glad you enjoyed. Virtual hugs are fine. I'm beginning to enjoy the warmth of some actual real-life hugs at N/A. How bizarre ;-)

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  11. I have been a militant atheist since I attended a well known school connected to a well known cathedral. I find all this wild religious mania most disquieting; especially if forced down the throats of the young. I have met quite a few people who's lives have been completely ruined by such backgrounds. Thank goodness my own parents were indifferent about such things!

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    1. Cro . . . Yes Thank goodness.
      I reckon our (the three that survived)lives might have been completely ruined by such behaviour, if we hadn't decided to try and change things. Try.
      It is wild mania, crowd hysteria and very wrong to inflict this on children.
      Thanks for reading, I'm soaking my feet in warm water and patchouli oil as we speak. OK, as I write.

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  12. I inspired your blog?! Wow. You get way more comments than me. I wanted to ask your something: your robos. Do they live in cages, tanks, giant plastic boxes or a mix of all three?

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    1. Yeah, I began commenting at yours(see; "about me" in side bar) Jan 2011, it was the first time I'd been on-line. Ever. I googled "heroin drought" cus I was getting very concerned about it, along with a few others.
      I wrote on the drought page for quite some time before I realised there was more to it . . . A blog.
      . . . Anyway, my comments got longer and longer, and I started gettting into it and thinking . . . O I'd like to sit here and write for much longer really, about anything and everything. So I did in Oct 2011.
      My lungs were telling me I needed to make some major changes soon. I thought maybe if I write it, it will make it happen. And it's happening.
      Ahhh the robos . . . I need to create a page for them, really, they are so worth it. As you know.
      When I get more time (?) like when I'm 70 or something . . . I would love to get a half decent camera to take photographs of them and their nightly goings on. Twenty three I have a the minute, they come and go (20 to 30) They need a whole post for just the family tree. I got one funny one, there's always one, who stays up all day scuttling around and biting the bars. He's called scuttle-bum, and he's a tad deranged. I recognise that. He was the runt.
      Anyway yeah . . . Some in cages, some proper hamster tanks with tunnels, some just huge plastic storage boxes with loads of anything cardboard thrown in. The more cardboard tubes and boxes the better. They love it. And obviously at least one wheel per two robos. They're good at sharing a wheel aren't they. Bless their whiskers.
      Anyway I could go on all night about them furry swines.
      So yeah, Your blogging led to me realising that writing did something to me, made things happen. Good eh?
      With love x

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    2. Ps . . . I hope the hospital visit goes well for you today. Try not to worry. x

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  13. Actually what am I saying wow for~? I knew that all along. I think you told me right in the very beginning...

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  14. Hay Right on!! This is good stuff... I hate going to "meetings" to. I just do it when someone drages me off to one. Sounds like you had a lot of fun growing up!!! At least you lived through it!

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    1. Hi Doug, Yes I still am having fun growing up! although a very different kind of fun to the last 34 or even 49 years.
      I can truly say though, none of it was boring. I'm hoping to post my next "archive" soon . . . As I write it I keep toning it down, then thinking "What am I doing that for, it's the past, it happened, it's over. Let's have the truth" If it offends so be it.
      Thanks for reading. Take care

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