Saturday, 25 February 2012

100 th post.

So this is as good a time as any for a quick progress report. The first post was 5th (?) October where I had 16 months to hopefully make some changes in time for my 50th birthday . . . 5 months on, almost a third of the way, things are looking far better than I ever imagined.

It's fifteen day's since I said "no" and most days it doesn't even enter my head. The days when it taps me on the shoulder and says "hey you . . . remember me? . . you looking a bit stressed, you know I could soon change all of that for you" . . . I say "I'll sleep on it . . . and I'll let you know tomorrow" by which time things have always changed. It still amazes me that it has gone from my life. Just like that. Gone.

My teeth are being made. My feet are being mended. I spent three days worth of  "would've been" gear money on various foot products and have sat for hours soaking, grating (!) softening, massaging and moisturising them. They needed it. It feels like I have someone elses feet on. It's the first time I have spent money on my feet!

I'm psyching myself up with each hint of Spring to get busy . . . I mean real busy. Not just day to day life busy . . . Gardening and decorating busy. I'm not sure when it will happen but I'm pretty sure it will . . . Well I hope it will. I'm waiting for the energy really . . . I'm not sure where I think ts gonna  come from . . . The Spring maybe?

In fact, I am starting to "Enjoy some of the good things that Heroin replaced"  which was one of my goals mentioned under "about me".

I honestly don't think this would have happened without this blog. It forced me to look at things and think about what I really wanted. It made me realise how desperate I was some days as I struggled to find words to explain how I felt . . . It led me to other bloggers and their stories of change and hope.
And . . . somehow it attracted some very caring, encouraging, understanding and beautiful people . . Yeah You!

I couldn't ask for more . . . It's working.  So here's to the next 11 months . . . Onwards and upwards.

Ok, I was about to say goodnight. All is calm. All is bright . . .

. . . Now guess what? Geekster asked me earlier if he could have four (!) mates round for a sleepover for a late 13th birthday "do" . . . Erm? . . . . .  No!  "Ok we'll camp in the garden" . . .  In February? I think not. Also, by the way, some of the (new) mates were sniggering that their "4" might be more like 7 and I heard a mention of beer . . . No. No. No. Forget it . . .
Later he said him and 2 others were staying at Cam's house. It wasn't Cam . . . but there does seem to be a lot of "Cam's" . . . What sort of a name is that? Cam. Ok. That's fine. . . .
Now . . . at ten to one (shit!  . . is that the time?) someone has just burst out of the shed, which is built within the house, underneath my bedroom . . . and thrown up on the patio! they are in the fucking shed . . . I kid you not. The little fucke  swines!  I best go and deal with this. Bugger. Bugger.

Before I go though . . . thanks to every reader.  Little buggers the lot of them (Not you, them lot ;-)


  1. Go get em!!!

    I loved this post. You sound so good. I am so happy for you.

    1. YAY!!! All good here Annette . . . Popping over to see you in a min. Hugs n love x

  2. Its great to hear about you doing things for you! Isn't it nice to have soft feet? I'm happy for your future. You know all the nice things you said about your blog readers? Look in the mirror and say them to yourself, I feel that exact way about YOU and am glad I "met you".

    (Did ya scare the crap out of the little swines???)

    1. Thanks Barbara . . . I know, they really feel like someone else's feet. Someone else's life.
      Yes I did scare them . . . They weren't in the shed . . . They had pitched the tent without me hearing a thing. I was reluctant to send them home at that time in that state . . . So the little swines ended up having to sleep in the tent. I had to get Stropster up for work at 7 and they'd gone home by then. Foolish childen ;-)

    2. ps . . . Popping over to see the dolphins soon . . . Saturday is my catch up day (hopefully). Hugs n love.

  3. Be grateful that the little toad threw up somewhere where cleaning can be done with a hose. Where they can do the cleaning with a hose. And if one of their 'mates' turns the hose on them 'how sad, never mind'.
    You are sounding sooo strong. Truly wonderful. And congrats on making your 100th post from such a powerful place. Have I told you that you rock? If not, you do.

    1. Good point . . . So glad I didn't let them stay in the house . . . They'll be no more shenanigans in the garden once it is transformed into my sanctuary either.
      Thanks for all your comments and "protection from the Trolls" :-) Hugs n love.

  4. Haven't had much time for bogging recently, it's been head-space more than anything. Congratulations on your achievement, I was begining to think it would never happen.
    I used to have problems with my teeth especially the front ones which had a huge gap betweeen them,anyway one day absess problems took hold & my 2 front teeth came out. I only had the back 3 originals left anyway so it was no big deal. The new plate did change my smile a bit but for the better i think & I've never looked back, I'm sure you'll make the right decision for yourself.

    Congratulatios once again,

    1. Hi Karl . . . I briefly read your two recent posts but I'll be back "round" today as I have more time. Yes I wondered all along if it would ever happen . . . I'm still being very cautious as I keep reading of prolonged "time out" then people going back to it . . . I can't imagine that but I don't suppose anyone can when they're not using . . . Although the other vague attempts at having a day or two off have always been a mental battle with the gear filling my head . . . This is different.
      Hey it better not change my smile . . . I'm partial to my goofiness (even if it's a very gap-toothed goofiness)
      Thanks Karl. Hugs n love

    2. Beware of the "honeymoon" period, I've seen it catch so many people out. Just that one bag can spiral completely out of control, I knew somneone 10yrs clean in Bristol & it took just that 1 bag & they had a full blown habit to deal with again.
      I'm sure you have plenty of friends & support to fall back on but if you ever need someone outside of your circle then all you have to do is email me at
      A very wise person once said " Any fool can give it up, it's the staying clean that's the hard part" & how true those words are.
      I'm starting my battle today & I find the 1st. few days easy, then your head starts to play all sorts of tricks to tempt you back in, so let's get off of this wheel & start spinning the next.
      We'll get there in the end XXKarl

    3. Too right Karl . . I hope you can do it.
      Yes I'm being very wary of complacency. I'm aware of how fast a habit is formed. The only difference this time is I'm on my own which makes it easier . . . and so far it's not started playing those tricks on me. I just keep praying that it stays "away".
      Keep us up-dated as to how it goes Karl . . . You can do it.

  5. Aren't they little buggers! Well, they won't be feeling well today, will they? Did you send them home? Kids will be kids but they seem to get ahold of stuff earlier and earlier. Better it's beer than a lot of stuff out there.

    You are sounding so much happier - I'm glad. And taking care of yourself - you'll look so much better at 50 than you did at 45! (Not that I'd know, but from the sounds of it)

    I love having clean soft feet. I couldn't really care less about manicures but love a pedi (I take the mani with it because it's only $10 more)

    My husband just had his first and he doesn't like how his feet feel so smooth - no traction on the sheets I guess. LOL

    1. I know, that's what gave me the idea when you said he was shredding the sheets ;-). It does feel very different to have soft feet.

      A lot of people are saying I look different already, even those who have no idea why. It can only get better.

      I didn't dare send the kids home like that("where have you been?" at 2 am "O round Geekster's house" slurring and spewing) but by the time I discovered them the beer had gone (hence the sickness) So it was back in the tent, which they'd pitched without me hearing a sound, and not another noise! . . . Or else! (5 of them)
      All good except it means he got his own way even though I'd said no . . . Sheer defiance . . . So I haven't finished with him yet.
      I hope you're feeling better Jeannie, that was such a sad post. Hugs n love x

  6. Ah, the wretched kids! Aren't they a joy LOL Personally, I'd rather have them hanging around the house/shed than wandering about the neighborhood. Although, I could have done without the throwing up part. =)

  7. THe little wretches!.I get that too,my daughter hushing her friends out the door at 6 am.......Once i awoke to a blue haired boy cradling my loo.....nuff said!So glad you still feeling good,onwards and upwards!xxxxxx

  8. 15 days!!! Just fantastic! 15 days...!!! :-)