Tuesday 21 February 2012

Guilt, gunk and pickled Jalapenos

I've postponed Pancake day until tomorrow. I have the ingredients for the pancakes but the kids Geekster always wants some obscure filling which means buying a whole jar just to be used once then chucked next year . . .  So as it's "weekly shop" tomorrow he'll have to wait. Yet another small but significant freedom gained from being clean. No more guilt driven compensation. Ha. I hadn't bargained for quite so many rewards.

O shit how have I gone from pancakes to getting clean in four lines. That's barely an intro is it? But whilst I'm here I'll just explain briefly what I mean . . . although it's probably obvious even to a non-addict what I mean.
The guilt didn't come from them "going without" . . . O no they never went without . . . Quite the opposite. Never even missed a Pancake day! The guilt was all within . . . As in, if they had (God forbid) missed a pancake day or lived through an other such life-wrecking trauma . . . In my mind it would be blamed, in my head, on me being an addict . . . It couldn't be simply about not having any Nutella until tomorrow . . . and even if it was then that would be because I was an addict. How dare you not have Nutella in a house with three kids?  Yes I bet I know where that Nutella money went . . . And the Jif lemon . . . Call Social Services this is tantamount to abuse!
Ok you get the picture. . . and this applied from pancake day through birthdays right round to Christmas. I had to get it right every time. No room for compromise. So  . . . Gone. No more  . . . No more guilt. No more compensation. I can relax and put Pancake day off for a whole day . . . and guess what? . . . No-one gave a damn ;-)

Other than that I have a dental appointment tomorrow to have impressions taken . . . Well you can imagine the horror films that I'm dreaming up about that. Actually you probably can't unless you're as bonkers as I am . . .  You see when you bite into those denture shaped troughs full of fast drying gunk there is a lot of (fast-drying) gunk-displacement and where does it go? . . . down your throat, that's where . . . fast drying? . . . and there's not much you can say in the time its drying . . . Whilst the dentist counts, with his back to you . . . "Keep biting!" Seventy five . . . Seventy six . . . Have you ever tried to un-bite? impossible. Or say "Ermm . . . Excuse me, please? . . . I seem to be choking here" . . . Impossible.

I think I better change the subject as it's only twelve hours away . . . That's if I can. I suppose the less teeth you have the less (fdg) displacement occurs which is good news for me . . . I only have six top teeth . . . Yes, six . . . I best get those "before" photos done before it's too late. Geekster? camera? scanner? cables? . . . No news there then.

Quiet day today . . . Busy day tomorrow. I'm off to write my shopping list starting with Nutella . . . and pickled jalapenos for the savoury pancakes . . . Unless last years jars are still ok ;-)

Hopefully I will survive the dentist and be back tomorrow. Sweet dreams and sweet days x

6 comments:

  1. What a relief huh...no more guilt! And no need to be a perfect mama to over compensate. I have had a couple crowns done and the dentist is usually pretty good about putting just enough cement gunk so that there isn't a ton of overflow. You could ask him to pay special attention to the amount he puts in his little moldy maker. :o)

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    1. Lol . . I was just off to bed. That made me laugh. I could just see me out of the chair, looking over his shoulder . . . making sure he gets it right . . in his "little moldy maker" :-) Would he not think I was mad . . ha ha x x

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  2. Good luck. Dentists are one of my fears. Years back when we lived in the country the dentist was missing the top joint to his index finger. I often wondered whether a patient had bitten it off.

    If I knew where my guilt button was I would disconnect it. It never gives me anything but grief, and is always about things I cannot change. Grr to guilt.

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    1. O I know, horrible places . . . I suppose some of the fear is rational . . . But a big part of mine is irrational (over-active imagination). They seem to be a strange breed dentists. . . a weird sense of humour.

      Guilt comes very easily to women. It's an awful emotion and very difficult to get rid of . . . I've still got plenty to face up to. Although it's all in the past now . . . The guilt tends to get carried forward with us.
      I'm gonna package all of mine up and throw it out! Good riddance guilt.
      I hope all is good with you.

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  3. ah, yes, the guilt. I am still very familiar with it. For me, it's hard to shake but for very different reasons under different circumstances. *sigh*

    I'm glad that you are being set free of those feelings, you deserve that freedom and all that comes with it!

    Good luck at the dentist!!

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  4. Aye It comes in all shapes and sizes . . . And they're all hard to shake.
    I wish I could just package it up and chuck it . . . That's wishful thinking.
    I hate to sound sexist but do you think guilt is felt more by women? I don't know that I've ever known a man (and I've known a few) to be tormented by guilt over anything . . . And I'm not talking saints here ;-)
    Dentist story posted. Now I can start on horror films about the hospital and the anaesthetic . . . God help me. Take care x

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