Saturday, 8 October 2011

Feelings . .

Yey, pretty good day (friday . .as I fell asleep before I posted . . .again) in a normal kind of way . . .supermarket for the main weekly shop.Chemist for weekly methadone. Picked up brother's dog for the weekend & came home to cook a proper Spaghetti bolognaise. Started to feel excited at about 4 ish . .Happy excited. No idea what I was excited about. I put some music on as I was cooking which I aint done for years (music on - not cooking :-)). This writing "milarky" is making me look more, notice more & question more . .? Such as,why has heroin  ruined my relationship with music, both listening & playing? Pre-H there was a constant soundtrack to my life, day & night. I love music, lyrics & singing. I need to get this back. Maybe it was the music exciting me earlier, Good. So why was I in such a rush to dampen it? I gotta work out why I do this. And I will.
Part of it could be that I can't trust my emotions when I start to withdraw. I dont mean longterm withdrawals. Just when my methadone/gear levels are low for whatever reason. Couple of years back, one of the many times I was unscripted, & waiting, rattling . . .I got a sudden crush on David Dickinson!?!. .is that his name?  That mahoghany antique fella . . .scary eh? sick? O I was sick alright! No wonder I nip my "feelings" in the bud. I have had some major disasters where men are concerned. Dysfunctional would be an understatement.But David Dickinson?? I still cringe when he appears on tv. Ok I was asleep there. I need to find some time during the day to write. Im way too tired. I'm gone


  1. I got people interested in my blog by commenting randomly on lots of people's blogs. That's how I got so many "normal" people reading me who aren't drug addicts, I suppose I could still relate to their lives and friendships grew from that.

    I see where the good French comes from now! I'm learning Spanish so I can just FUCK OFF AND LEAVE and Spain appeals the most!

    Best of luck here XXXXXXX

    PS Beware of international English I had to learn to write "methadone" as to Americans meth = crystal meth and their methadone comes in something like 5mgs to 1ml so I always talk in mgs not mls. I hope this doesn't sound too patronizing. Just the result of a few misunderstandings over the years!

  2. is a good example of a "normal person" as you'll see in my feathery Friday on Saturday post

  3. My interest in music goes up the more manic I feel. It also snaps me out to a certain extent, from depression. I listen to dance music which of course is associated with "pills". I learned at NA that this is called Euphoric Recall. Being as I never intend to take another E in my life I really don't see any harm in this.

    PS I don't know why but this type of comment window will never accept me as Gledwood signed in and I have to use the name url function every time. Not just on this blog, but every blog that uses this type of comment window. I opted for the floating window (rather than a new page) because I can answer comments with youtube screens still playing music.

  4. Gledwood; Ok I gonna try one last time to see if it will allow me to comment . . .I've wasted much of this evening trying to find out why it wont . .and what all this cookie enabling stuff is ?!
    Just in case this does post . . .thanks for all your comments, advice & encouragement, chez moi et chez toi.Much appreciated x

  5. Hip Hip . .Yeah. Sorted!! Ok I off to bed now. At least the evening wasn't wasted. I'm not sure what I did to fix it . .but its fixed :-)