Friday 17 February 2012

Was it daffodils you wanted?

Oooooo ya bugger . . . I' m walloped, right worn out. Almost too tired to type . . . What a busy day. Cleaned the twenty-five hamsters out and cooked caulifower cheese with roasted winter vegetables. Definitely one of the kids favourites and one of the hamsters favourites too as they get loads of raw veg . . . Bless their whiskers. Hamper G (called hamper girl as she used to call the hamsters- hampers), has a real way with these dwarf Roborovskis who are notoriously fast, hard to catch and even harder to keep hold of. She kind of cradles them lying on their backs in the palm of her hand with her thumb across their bodies and they seem to relax and "sit" there for ages, even to the point of falling asleep . . .Then she will carry on going about her business with the "hamper" in her hand. I realised how much I'd missed chatting with them all in the last two weeks whilst I've been mainly upstairs . . . It was good to catch up with them.

Went down to the bank to find out why they haven't sorted out Stropster's account yet  . . . They'll get back to me. Took my medical number to the dentist so they can refer me to hospital and shocked saw  my drugs worker . . .  She didn't even want a urine sample to prove it, she could tell by my eyes. Needless to say (but I'll say it anyway) she was very happy for me. She was also very surprised . . . She even said "It's a bit like a miracle really" Yes. I said. It is. I stopped myself  from saying "As performed by God" lest I catch that "O here we go with an addiction  transference . . . let's see how long this one lasts " look in her eye . . .  I did say that a lot of good little things had started to happen since I stopped and she asked me "Have you heard of the law of attraction?" something about good attracting and causing more good  . . . I said "No. Is that a new thing?" . . . O alright, I didn't say that really, I said "O, right, I get it . . . That sounds good" :-) My Dad used to say "If you plant daffodils . . . don't be surprised when daffodils pop up".

She did say "You  might do well to delete your dealer's number from your phone" . . . I said "It's in my head, not my phone". Anyway, taking any number of those precautions is pointless because if you did want to use again you would . . . With or without phone numbers, money, phone credit or lungs.

Other news? Ermmm, . . . Yeah I was asleep again there. Tomorrow will be good. Homemade lamb curry with naan bread. I hope you're all well and good. O bed . . . I love bed when I'm so tired. Happy days and dreams . . . I'm gone x

23 comments:

  1. I am so happy for you. And I do think "miracle" does apply to you. You have had your own personal miracle. You are loved.

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    1. Thanks Annette. I've been thinking about your post and those questions . . . and I'm still baffled as to why now? how now? etc.
      As you know a lot of people say to addicts "When you REALLY want to get clean you will" but I just can't agree . . . It's not so simple. Is it just timimg? . . . I don't know. I am extremely grateful for it though . . . And for this blog and my "blog friends" . . . And for waking up this early, this happy :-)

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  2. You are just going from strength to strength. It seems that your daffodils may come up scented roses anytime now.

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    1. :-) I like that. Talking of which I'm intending to "do something" with my garden this year . . . Which made me think of you and your wonderful garden. I haven't done it for a few years but I do remember it being hard, rewarding work. A healthy project.

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  3. I had a mate arrived at AA in a terrible state about the same time I did. He had a tough first year - truthfully he didn't want to stop drinking just wanted the shit to go away (He came to AA because of "back problems" - he wanted his wife off his back, his kids off his back, his landlord off his back... hahahah). He'd do about 10 days / two weeks then go back on it. Everytime he'd sneak into a meeting he'd look at me I'd just say "Never mind - you're here again - keep coming back". I owe him a lot actually his life got worse and worse and partly his relapses in that year were mine as well. Anyway he did finally get it, is clean and sober a while now and lovely guy - he then said a few months truly stopped "How the f*** did you know. everytime"... I just said "The eyes have it" It is so true you can see it in the eyes when there is hope and not despair.

    So pleased to read this post really really make me smile and made me happy

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    1. Thats' good . . I did enjoy making you grateful but being on the same side now and making you smile is even better :-)
      It was only a couple of posts ago I was saying to you . . I wish I was where you are and though I've not been here very long . . I'm grateful for every hour here.
      Thanks as always.

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  4. I am so happy to hear you are experiencing a real change of heart,just boosts my belief in magic a little bit more!I been laid flat out with some flu virus,my whole family were literally all in bed a day or two ago,now i feel dazed...You are going from strength to strength,go you!The change must be deep down real if you are playing with it in your dreams and strangers are sensing it.Its all god.xxxx oops,that was meant to be its all good....

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    1. Hi Annie . .. Just coming to FB after here. I think Geekster had that sort of virus last week. horrible. Hope you're being looked after ;-)
      I never expected to change to this degree . . I believed I would have to fight the urge every day if I ever gave up . . but so far it has just gone . . . I'm still afraid of being too complacent in case it comes back to bite me. I'm only too aware of how powerful that addiction was.
      Hope the kids are ok now and you "chilling" whilst you recover. Loads of love n hugs to all of you (FB in min) x x x

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  5. Personally I never bothered getting rid of dealers' numbers because they were there in my head as well.

    I remember Baby Itchy Roborovski going missing for days at a time because I had taken her out and gouched like an idiot. To wake up and hamster GONE! uKH!

    Cauliflower cheese? I haven't cooked "properly" in months. Too damn lazy!!

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    1. Hey . . . long time no "see". Well it feels that way, maybe it's not that long. Pleased to see you anyway.

      Our "Bubby Wamp" was on the run recently for over a week and I'd given up on him . . . Then there he was by the washing machine. He didn't even try and run for it . . . I think he was glad to get back to his luxury appartment.
      I probably wouldn't cook so much if I hadn't got the kids to feed. They're a good incentive. We've just had lamb curry . . . YAM Yam!! I do enjoy good food.

      Well done on the methadone reduction . . . It wont be long now before you're done with it. I think your goals of a clean comfortable flat and no methadone are spot on . . . Lovely. Thanks for reading and commenting. With love as always x

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  6. Rock on my chickie!

    I agree, you can always see it in the eyes. Someone using doesn't have the same light and life in them somehow...no matter what the addiction (as with my hubby). I can always tell if he's headed into that dangerous area of complacency by his eyes and his mannerisms.

    You are quite the cook, huh? Which is what I need to doing right about now...

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    1. Yes the eyes are a total give away . . . And people can't control them to "lie" either. All the truth is there exposed. I hated it when exes lied to me . . for whatever reason and it was just so obvious . . . yet they would continue to deny.
      I couldn't grill a sausage until I lived in France, aged 20, then I learnt through working in restaurants. I love good food and so do the kids . . . which makes it worth cooking. Gonna be an early night as I'm already dozing off. Take care x

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    2. You take care too, bugerlugs! (I had to learn to cook the hard way at the age of 17...put my first husband through hell too while I was learning LOL)

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  7. bugerlugs was a nickname my grandparents gave me as a child..... how weird is that?

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  8. Yes my Nan used to say it to me. Thanks for reading . . . I'm off to check out your blog. My Dad lives in North Wales. What a beautiful place . . . And animals too.

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  9. You sound really, really good.

    You don't know how happy that makes me. =)

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    1. O Thanks, I can't believe how good I feel . . .I'm happy that it makes you happy :-) This must be called "spreading happiness" . . . It's new to me!

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  10. Just found your blog and am so excited for you. It takes a lot of strength to take the recovery steps you've achieved! Your honesty and joy is refreshing

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    1. Thanks . . . Yes I'm starting to "let myself" get a bit excited now (gradually)
      Loving your blog . . . I got carried away this morning from one thing to another . . . Window shopping, or is it screen shopping? I might have to get some knitting needles soon.

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  11. The eyes are the windows of the soul !
    X

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    1. They sure are . . It's strange innit how they're not just eyes? How they can say so much without a word . . . And we can't make them say one thing whilst we mean another. It really is "all in the eyes". Hope you feeling a bit better Karl. Take care x

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  12. Good for you. I know that you can do it. I sure am pulling for you. I also hope that Gleds will stop one day for good.

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    1. Only just found this Syd . . Thanks, it means alot. I really hope that Gleds can do it too.

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