Thursday, 1 December 2011

The chicken or the egg?

The chicken or the egg being . . . Menopause or celibacy? No wonder only 3 of my "followers" are men.
So I ask myself, After the birth of Hamper G at 44 when I was thoroughly exhausted, recovering from a Caesarean, pleurisy, pneumonia and still trying to maintain habit + methadone. I lost my libido (surprise, surprise!). I didn't make any effort to get it back. It didn't bother me in the least. After 32 years of being constantly sexually active I was quite glad of a break. So that's where the celibacy started  . . . 2 years later (ish) periods started to be irregular and last January was my first month of "hot flushes". Gradual weight gain of 2 stone (!) over 18 months. Second month of hot flushes at the minute. The menopause has definitely kicked in. Was it due to lack of sex?
Is it a case of "use it or lose it"? As in, after 2 years of  not "using it" did my body/brain think ok there's no need to carry on this reproductive milarky any more. Of course age has much to do with it. I'm not suggesting if someone is celibate at 20 they will hit the menopause. Did the on-set of the menopause (un-known to me at the time) cause the drop in libido etc. Or did the lack of sex/libido (at my age, due to illness etc. ) kick start the menopause? I suppose it matters not really. I just wondered. Whichever way, I don't like this menopause shit . . I don't suppose anybody does. Apart from no more periods. It's a high price to pay though. I hate the shape I have become . . . slow metabolism I'm informed. I'm not eating any more than I did or moving any less. No blood test results yet so don't know if it's the cause of hair loss but I suspect it is. It's my brain telling my body I don't need to be attractive anymore . . . which would make sense. You dont need that long thick hair, or a waist and some more whiskers on your chin wont hurt! How cruel is that?  Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me there are women enjoying out there at 50+ enjoying good sex lifes (I don't want details :-) with youthful ok, shapely bodies (apart from Madonna - I mean average women). Whenever I say I'm gonna work out, lose weight and get my shape back -  I get told it wont happen "It's your age". Is this true?. I'm not bothered if I never have sex again -  but I would like to look like it could happen if I wanted it to ;-)
Maybe none of this should matter. Maybe it wont when I've got used to it. Maybe it's just the transition. Early days. The plus side is both times I've had a month of  hot flushes it has been winter. Running out into the freezing cold morning, throwing off my dressing gown has been heaven. Big wow.

Ps. Who spies on these blogs? . . . Just as I'm editing now, an advert comes up at the side for a wrinkle cream that "made a 53 yr old woman look 30!!" . . . Of course it did. I might have lost libido, waist, hair and teeth . . . But I've still got most of my marbles.


  1. My wife is 47 and I could tell you she has a fantastic sex life... but I suppose it is ok - we're both too knackered to bother generally... she has a body that is 47 and has had three pregnancies and two kids - I still find her attractive although being a bloke I do my best to make the odd comment that pisses her right off like - that new dress looks like a knights chain-mail etc. I don't mean to it's just in the genes I think

  2. I'm 52 - periods are more regular than when I was young. I'm fat but that's entirely my own fault. I would have a great sex life if my husband didn't have his problems from medications. I am an oddity. I have talked to a lot of women about menopause and only known 1 other woman who has been like me - most are like you.

    I think your illness could have had a big effect on your hormone levels - and maybe the not using it too to some extent. But age has most to do with it.

  3. Furtheron,
    Wow I'd hardly posted that! Yes it's definitely in the genes, saying the wrong thing I mean.
    I was more than happy with my body after 4 kids at 46 . . . but something happened in the last two yrs. Suppose thats why they call it "The CHANGE".
    You do know how easy you got it being a man don't you? Yes, I expect your wife lets you know ;-)

  4. Jeannie,
    You lucky Oddity you ;-)
    So you don't think I could reverse it if I quickly started "using it" again? Only kidding.
    Guess I best just settle in to it.

  5. Are you suggesting I dump Mrs F now on the basis of your experience? See that is the sort of things blokes say isn't it - I'll never get the hand of this stuff...

    Linking - if you switch to new Blogger thing on it is easy. Type what you want to... in another tab/window go to page and copy the URL ... go back to post in edit window and then hightlight thing you want link on and hit link button above the editor window - it should prompt for the URL... if that makes no sense email me at I'll make up a user guide for you

  6. Furtheron,

    Absolutely not!! I'm sure Mrs F is a much more well-adjusted person than I . . . could hardly be any less ;-)
    I've only just found this comment . . . and had just worked out how to do the link thing. Thanks anyway though. Yes that would've made sense.
    Funnily enough your photo reminded me of a fellow musician who is the subject of today's post.

  7. Annie, I am not spying, just started reading your blog. I have a PRIVATE BLOG, DUE TO CHILDREN/ADULTS. It needs work too. Survived 30+ years on methadone. Trying to get my photo, it is on the friends connect. However, since my almost fatal car accident on 9/25/2005, things haven't been the same. Anyhow, I have more reading to do on ur blog, Anna Grace's & a few others/ Addict's in recovery, that is where I am
    and I am no LONGER going to punish myself 4 my addiction. Neither should you sweetie! Got to read more, YOU have been through soo much & are still here!! There is a God, in my eye's otherwise I wouldn't be typing this to you. A BIG HELLO to Barbara! B.T.W. Menopause sucks, I was where you are in my 40's! At age 50, if you go w/out a period 4 12 months straight, that is what I am told is "no more babies", no more monthly periods", etc/ I am here if you want to know anything about menopause. You Mum would be able to share w/you, or an aunt, etc. ( family )
    I had nobody to clue me in, I mean yes I figured, however with no family history, I can't swear to anything. Take Care of YOU

  8. Maureen,
    Yes I clicked on your photo at "followers" to see if you had a blog . . but couldn't get to it. I'm Di, one of my readers is Annie . . its only a name anyway. 30+ years on methadone!? thats a long time. Mind you, I didn't think I'd be an addict for 12 years and counting. I suppose we all imagine it will end soon.
    Menopause sucks for sure. I'm having a hot flush right now as I type. I hate it :-(.
    Mum reckons she didn't have menopause. My brother killed himself when my mum was 50 and she had such a severe breakdown that she didn't notice the menopause. By the time she got off all the pills (for mental probs) her periods had well stopped. So I don't know a lot about it. I have started checking sites on line . . . but it seems to vary so much for each person . . . I was surprised it goes on for so long and on and off. I had imagined it would be a year of hot flushes etc then it would be over! Not so. O well got a very busy day to be getting on with so I best . . . get on! Take care and thanks again for comments